Can't Ever Work
by Sarabellum93
Summary: Roxas is an antisocial college student who just wants to survive another year but his next door dorm-neighbor is a popular, well liked, and sexy college senior. Roxas can't deny that he likes the attention yet his shyness gets the better of him, even as Axel pursues a deeper friendship. The mixed signals leaves Roxas wondering Can it ever work? Happy Akuroku day! Lemon, drama, cute
1. Intoxicating Me

My name? Roxas. Who am I? I'm a nineteen year old college student who is the most anti-social college student you will probably ever meet. I live next to someone who is the exact opposite; you know? Mr. Social, the one everyone wants to be around, be best buds with, and even date? Yeah, him. His name is Axel, a twenty one year old college senior who lives in the dorm next to mine. It's been a couple months now, but I already know enough about him to know that he's a total flirt. He's the guy who, when he asks how you're doing, expects a full answer because he genuinely cares; but the worst thing about him, is that he's a playboy. He thinks he's all that, and he is, but he's so cocky about it. He's always having these pretty girls over late at night, and often times it sounds like they stay the night. And guess who gets to hear them all night long? Yep. Me. I hear his bed squeaking and I hear him moaning and I can hear him yelling someone's name, although it's not very clear. That's how I started to hate him, cause as much as I'm ashamed to admit it, hearing him makes me hard. I keep one hand over my mouth because I'd die if he heard me responding to his love making; then I touch myself, trying desperately to hold back my moans and not to make a mess that could leave behind any evidence. Not like I need to worry about anyone finding evidence; I've never invited anyone inside my dorm before.

Anyway, he does it a lot, two or three times a week, and it's annoying when I'm trying to study or when I'm trying to sleep. Usually I put in my headphones because I don't want to admit that his pleasure turns me on. Cause at the same time, I don't want to admit that I like it when he talks to me. He's very nice to me, and pretty much anyone he comes across, but still I can't help but feel special when he flashes that gorgeous smile at me. As dorm neighbors, we run into each other a lot, but most of our conversations are just small talk; he only calls me blondie and I doubt he even knows my real name. But he's still sweet in the way he holds doors open, smiles often, and offers to help people with their problems and to just listen. He's super friendly and is always making conversations where everyone around him is smiling and laughing. He makes you want to be near him; he draws you in like a magnet, giving you no choice but to be attracted to his breath-taking smile, iridescent green eyes, and gorgeous red hair. And now, I'm stuck. I'm stuck because as much as I don't want to, but I can't help but smile when he's near. I can't help but give him the cold shoulder every now and then, or how I make smart-ass remarks, only because I'm afraid to grow used to this attention. I'm afraid that if I'm nicer to him, he'll be even nicer back, and I'll be forever lost in a friendship that is hopeless. Cause not only is he a playboy and a flirt and cocky about it all, he's still perfect. And worst of all, he's clearly straight.

I woke up one day, a bit late compared to my usual routine, and when I opened the door, he was in the hallway in nothing but a towel.

"Going to shower blondie?" He asked, holding his shower caddy in one hand and placing other just above that dangerously low towel hugging his curvy hips.

"What do you think?" I asked, holding my towel and my shower caddy as I walked with him into the bathroom. I always preferred to strip and change within the shower stalls, for my own comfort.

"Which stall do you want?" He asked and I shrugged. There was one that had an extra shelf to put all your clothes and stuff, but I didn't want to seem selfish.

"You want that one, don't you?" He asked, pointing the one I had just described.

"Doesn't matter."

"You know, that one is my favorite. We could share it." He leaned close and I shivered at his chilly voice compared to the idea of sharing a steamy hot sexy shower with him.

"You serious?" I asked, pretending to be disgusted at the idea and he laughed.

"Oh please, as if you weren't staring at this." He pointed to his stomach and chest; he had a point, he was right.

"I was just wondering when you were going to put a shirt over that." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, I get a lot of guys who like me."

"Excuse me?" I asked, offended.

"A bunch of gay guys think I'm hot and they like me, so don't act like you're pissed when you're just scared." Axel brushed by me and into a stall as I heated up inside, turning red.

"I'm not scared of a selfish prick!" I yelled and he went into a shower stall, closing the curtain behind him.

"Whatever!" He yelled as if he were amused while he turned on the water and I went into the farthest stall. I did my best to hurry so I could get back to the safety of my dorm, and when I turned off my shower, I didn't hear his running either.

I dried off and wrapped the towel around my narrow waist and when I opened my curtain, I saw him standing right there.

"WAH!" I screamed, scared and surprised to find him silently waiting.

"See, you are scared." He said plainly in his towel.

"What the fuck are you doing you creep!" I put my hand over my heart.

"I just wanted to see if I left something in here the last time I was in this stall. Chill." He put his hand on my side and scooted me over. His warm, soft hand touched my bare skin, and I couldn't help but shudder in content.

"There's nothing over there." I said, staring at the empty stall.

"Hm, guess not. Oh well."

"What, what are you missing?" I asked, hating how curious I am.

"Why, do you want to help me find it?"

"Well, it depends what it is," I said, getting a bit shy.

"Tell me, yes, or no?" He leaned in super close to my ear and I could feel my body heating up.

"I think I'll pass." I said, moving around him so I could scurry back to my dorm. In the privacy of my room I took care of my erection.

Dammit! How did he make me hard just by whispering in my ear? Perhaps it was because I was staring at his thin pure red happy trail that continued down to more red, and past that, the fucking towel covered. My imagination always got the best of me, and I couldn't help but let it ride as I dreamt of his husky voice beckoning me to him.

I made sure to be extra quiet as I came and when I cleaned it all up, I sighed, feeling trapped into my room until I was sure that he had left for class.

A week had passed and I hadn't talked to him. We made eye contact a few times, but it never went beyond that. That's the kind of guy that Axel is: He's popular and well liked, but so much so, that unless you're a big shot, you can't expect him to make time for you. Yet he's still so kind deep down inside, that he's still friendly to anyone he passes by. That's why I'm so damn torn around him. Part of me hates him and sees him as that cocky spoiled brat who can get whatever and whoever he wants without even lifting a finger. At the same time, he's such a good guy, that it's impossible to completely dislike him. If anything, I'm just jealous, and of what, I can't exactly put my finger on. I mean, I wish I were as tall, as muscular, as well-liked, and as social as he is. But as I think about it more, I'm jealous of whatever it is that makes him smile so beautiful; or maybe, it's not a thing. Maybe it's a person. As shy as I am, I could never have a real conversation with anyone, much less Axel himself, but oh how I dreamt of confessing how badly I yearn for his company. Of course I'd never say such things. In the end, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about him, and since I could never compete against the crowd he hands out with, my silence is as best as I can do. Even if it weren't, silence is all I know how to do.

It's challenging though, when he takes the time to wave or say hi as we're walking past each other in the hallway. I want to say something, but I usually freak out and just flash a pathetic smile before I lock myself in my dorm.

It's a pretty common scenario, so much so that it's nearly routine. After that week passed, I saw him again, and I even contemplated initiating a wave this time, but since he was with a group of three girls, I decided to just turn on my ipod and turn up my headphones to show that I was being unsocial.

He waved to me and I gave an acknowledging head nod before I locked myself in my room. Then, he threw a party. Right in his fucking dorm from eleven at night till four in the morning. He was blasting music and there were way too many people to fit in that tiny confined room, and I could tell that alcohol was involved. I couldn't take it anymore, so I knocked on his door, angry, tired, grumpy, …you get the idea.

"Hey, blondie boy!" He was intoxicated and his shirtless body and friendly smile were intoxicating me.

"Dude, it's four am and I'm tired, call it a night will ya?" I rubbed my head to show I was serious.

"Ah, don't be jealous, you're welcomed to come on in!" He grabbed my arm and threw me inside his cramped dorm room. Our entire floor was partying in his room; everyone but me.

"Who's the blonde cutie?" Some blonde girl asked pointing to me.

"Larxene, this is blondie." I growled; we lived on the same floor for how long and she didn't even know my name?

"That's not my name." I grumbled but Axel was already going for another beer.

"I think you've had enough." I took it from his hand and he pouted.

"Maybe you haven't had enough!" He poked my chest and laughed and I rolled my eyes, wanting to leave, even though I knew I'd regret leaving his side, because it was when I was with him when I wasn't truly alone.

"What if someone calls security? You can get is a lot of trouble." I said and Axel blew me off with a wave of his hand.

"Take the stick out of your ass and live blondie."

"The name is," I started, but was interrupted by a tall blonde with a mullet Mohawk who turned up the already loud music. I growled, getting frustrated at how everyone there lived on our floor and even though I didn't really talk to them, I knew that I had seen them walking into rooms with keys; and still none of them seemed to recognize me besides Axel. I guess that's my fault though. It just shows how kind Axel is to acknowledge me.

"Alright Demyx!" Axel cheered and everyone started grinding and I somehow got shoved into Axel, who caught me and started to sway his hips against my ass.

"What the fuck?" I yelled, secretly loving it, but fearing how hard it would make me.

Axel didn't say anything, he just kept his hands on my hips from behind me and started to grind into me. Right away I could feel myself turning red and getting really warm, so I tried to break free, but he wouldn't let me.

"Don't try to run away blondie, I got you now." Axel pulled my back into his chest as he yelled over the music into my ear.

"Axe, quit it!" I yelled back as he ran one hand down my chest. I wanted it. I wanted it so damn bad. But as much as I hate to admit it, I'm very ….sensitive….and getting hard with so many people around would be horrifyingly embarrassing.

"Shit! Parties over!" A tan guy with silver hair yelled, turning off the music as he yanked the ipod out of the speaker and before I knew it, everyone was running around wildly and then, it was just Axel and me.

"Fucking campus police." Axel grunted as he began picking up trash.

"You're, you're sober?" I asked, since he seemed completely together and clear-headed.

"Yeah. I can handle alcohol really well, but it makes parties super boring." He shrugged with a smile and I turned red with embarrassment. Does that mean that he wanted to dance with me like that, or that he just wanted his friends to think he was as wasted as they were?

"Need help?" I asked, stooping down to pick up empty beer cans and to put his room back in a state of order.

"Thanks blondie." Axel smiled at me and gave me a high five when we finished cleaning almost a full hour later.

"Yeah, no problem."

"Sorry that the party bothered you." He said, not looking at me as he took of his pants and put on basketball shorts.

"It's ok." I said, paralyzed by the view of his tight boxers hugging everything about him; not to mention, I couldn't be mad when he apologized.

"You know, you're always welcomed to come over, even when there's not a party. We can have a party, just you and I." He smiled flirtatiously and I widened my eyes.

"Thanks, but I should get back to sleep." I pointed to the wall that separated our dorms and he shrugged.

"Whatever makes you happy blondie."

"Bye," I said, making my way towards the door. I was about to open it when Axel caught my arm.

"Bye, blondie." He pulled me into a tight hug and I could feel my cheeks turning warm as I grew confused. I wanted to stay in that hug, in that warm embrace where I felt so comfortable and felt so special. But I also knew that the longer I stayed, the more danger I was getting myself into.

"See ya." I broke away and went into my dorm. After I shut the door and locked it, I crawled into bed, not even sleepy anymore. But I was tired. Tired of being alone. Tired of having this conflicting confusion where I wanted so badly to tell him how I loved being noticed; but what tired me out the most, was thinking about how it wouldn't change anything.

* * *

**Author's Note: In honor of AKUROKU Day, I'm posting this story! I'm not very far in it yet, but after tomorrow I should have more time to write ^_^ Happy AKUROKU Day, may it be filled with fire, key's, and tons of lemons =)**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	2. Not by Him

After the party, I decided to lay low, hoping not to draw too much attention to myself, not like I ever do anyway. I just thought that too much face time with Axel would end up brining out more humiliation and social awkwardness than I could afford, so I made it a goal of mine to avoid him.

Of course, that plan can only work so well when you're dorm neighbors with the guy you're trying to dodge.

Naturally, about four days after the party, as I was leaving for class, Axel met me in the hallway.

"Hey Blondie, it's been a while." He gave me his flawless smile.

"Yeah," I made it apparent that I was acting elusive intentionally.

"So what are you up to?" Of course Axel tried to start a conversation.

"Going to class," I said, smiling internally when I realized that I had an excuse to flee the scene.

"Which one?" Axel didn't let up.

"Sociology." I looked down the hall: my destination.

"Is that your major?" Axel asked, seemingly interested, which only made it harder to break away.

"Minor." I corrected him.

"Oh ok, cause you don't come across as the 'social' type." Axel chuckled as I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I have to go or I'll be late." I cleared my throat.

"Alrighty, have fun Blondie." Axel patted my shoulder before he left to enter his dorm.

I went to sociology, a two hour class, and when I came back, it was nearing dinner time. My stomach was growling wildly during class, and I kept myself awake and focused by dreaming about the microwavable food I had stashed in my dorm.

I walked up the stairs, onto my floor, ready to pig out and pass out for the rest of the night when I saw that Axel's door was wide open.

"Yo, Blondie!" Axel waved me in, so I let out a tame sigh before I leaned against the doorway.

"Yeah?"

"Have you eaten yet? I was about to go make a run for dinner when I saw you in the hall," Axel was slipping into his shoes as I gulped.

"Oh, um, no, I'm fine," I lied, but of course, my stomach growling gave me away.

"Yeah, sure you are," Axel laughed at me. "Come on, my treat,"

"No, it's ok, I have homework," I brought up the most famous of excuses.

"Well so do I, but you have to eat sometime, might as well make it now." Axel shrugged.

"Really, I must decline, I'm sorry," I turned to enter my room, but Axel grabbed my arm and dragged me back down the stairs.

"So, where do you want to go?"

"I don't know, you're the one who's forcing me to come." I mumbled.

"Oh quit acting like you're angry. You know you wanted to come deep down inside." Axel either saw right through me, or was calling my bluff all too easily.

I had nothing to say to that, so I remained quiet.

"They say silence is a confession." Axel whispered as we walked through the student car parking lot.

"Who's 'they'?" I asked, just to look innocent.

"I don't know." Axel shrugged.

"Well not a very reliable source then, is it?" I smirked, loving how my random moments of intelligence come when I need it most.

"What are you, a law major?" Axel chuckled as he got his keys out of his pocket. I was shocked and yet not at all when I saw the lights to a sleek, black, mustang go off.

"That's your car?" I asked, wondering why I was so surprised. He totally came off as the prick who would own such a car, with black leather interior and the latest navigation system.

"Yep," Axel walked to the passenger side and opened my door.

"Thanks," I said quietly, getting into the low sports car.

"I try to be a gentleman; it goes a long way." Axel shrugged before he got into the drivers spot.

"Do you usually go off campus for food?" I asked, partially curious, but mostly just trying to keep away from the awkward silence.

"Yeah,"

"Alone?"

"Well, usually I go with my buddy Demyx, but he's away with his swim team competing."

"So I'm his backup?" I asked, anxious to hear his response.

"Oh come on Blondie, don't look at it that way. Like I said at the party, you're always welcome. I just don't ever see you, don't have your number, and the few times I do see you, you're so sneaky about hiding."

"Am not," I looked out the window.

"Whatever you say little man," Axel kept his eyes on the darkening road.

The drive turned quiet, and I hated it more than I hated his criticism.

"So," I tried to think of a way to end the unnerving silence.

"What?" Axel asked, as if he expected me to say something interesting.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm thinking burrito's, is that ok?" Axel asked and I nodded.

"That's good."

"Yeah," Axel coughed. "Oh, do you want to get a couple drinks?" He asked but I shook my head. Me drunk is awful. Me drunk alone with Axel? That's just asking for it.

"No thanks."

"Do you mind if I do?" Axel asked and I looked at the steering wheel.

"You want to drink and drive?"

"It's not like I'm going to get hammered." Axel chuckled so I shrugged.

"Do what you want."

"Usually I'm the sober one, giving rides, but now that my drinking buddies are all busy, I'd like to enjoy my time."

"Drinking buddies?" I asked.

"Yeah, you know, Marly and Xiggy and Luxy? We usually all go out drinking together, but every now and then one will cancel."

"I see," We continued to make small talk about classes as we got our food, and decided to bring it back on campus, probably due to the uneasy expectations of a conversation that wasn't happening.

"Ok, you win, no alcohol." Axel teased after he paid for the food, even though I offered to cover at least my meal.

"Good," I remained short, as was part of my plan to avoid any awkwardness.

"You know," Axel started as he started his car up to return back to campus.

"Hm?"

"I like hanging out with you. There are few people I enjoy being around while sober, and you're one of them." Axel smiled at me, so I took his compliment.

"Thank you." I could feel a fuzzy moment coming, so I tried to work around it by dodging the bullet.

"Do you mind if we put some music on?" I asked.

"Go ahead," Axel pushed a button before vulgar music started. I gulped as lyrics about steaming shower sex fogged my mind. The singer was adamant about putting images of enticing and arousing body parts into the desires of any listener.

"Sorry, I don't usually listen to this shit, but Xiggy does." Axel turned the dial, but by then it was too late. My heart was already pounding, my body yearned for skin contact, and I could feel my pants begging for freedom. I cleared my throat. Fuck. I get hard so easily, it's quite pathetic. It had always been my number one shame, but it was always beyond my control.

"It's fine," I fidgeted in my chair.

Thankfully the music drowned out all need for cheesy conversation, but Axel continued to glance over at me every red light, asking me if I was ok as I nodded through flushed cheeks.

I hated myself for thinking about doing such disgraceful things with Axel, but my mind was already lost in a fluid and pleasing fantasy of enjoying the company of a naked redhead.

"Here we are," Axel parked and I rushed out the door. "Hey, take it easy Blondie," Axel laughed at me as I hurried back into our dorm building.

"Thank you for dinner," I said, handing him the munny to pay for my meal.

"Don't worry about it," Axel smiled at me as we got into the elevator together.

"I'll take the stairs," I walked to leave, but Axel grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me to his side as the doors closed.

"Don't be ridiculous." Axel rolled his eyes at me before we rode up several flights.

"Well, thanks again," I said before I bolted down the hall.

"You're welcome to eat with me in my dorm," Axel offered, but I shook my head.

"I'm afraid I'm already behind with my homework." I gulped.

"Look, Blondie," Axel said, his voice stern and serious, so I decided to face him and look him in the eye for the first time all night.

"Yes?"

"I'm just trying to be nice. The whole floor knows you don't have any friends here. It's obvious that you're alone and scared of people. If you want to stay that way, just let me know so I can stop wasting your time, and mine." Axel unlocked his door and went into his dorm. I looked down into my arms, full of my burrito and some chips before I slowly entered my room.

When the door closed, I dropped my food on my desk, wishing there was some way around all of this confliction inside me. All Axel wanted to be, was a friend, and that hurt for two reasons. It hurt, because I was rejecting his kind and innocent offer. What hurt the most, was knowing that friends was as much as we could ever be.

I wanted to be his everything, and yet, I wanted to be his nothing. Nothing. Isn't that what I am to so many people? One could easily say that it's my own damn fault for not having friends, but it's only because I watched myself get replaced by everyone else that I resorted to such a dramatic form of isolation. It's not like I woke up one day and decided I'd lose all my friends. They all ditched me. They all replaced me. And now here I am looking like some pathetic waste of life, when all I ever wanted was to be noticed. Since I can't get what I want, I might as well accept it. Better yet, I might as well embrace it, welcome it, and get used to it. At the very least, it might make this loneliness a bit easier.

I sighed, realizing that my erotic stimulation was subsiding as a result of all of the deep thinking I was doing.

I didn't want to be alone anymore. But I just can't afford to be forgotten one more time. Not again. Not by him.

* * *

**Author's Note: Things have been pretty busy but I managed to write this chapter in about an hour, so I figure I'll just post it now before I forget and get busy with my other stories. Overall life has been alright, full of lots of little ups and downs, but nothing too big in either direction worth mentioning. I hope your day is going great, and thanks for reading! I promise, this story will pick up.**

To CloudofDarkness'protégé: Aww, you are far too kind my Zexy. Thank you so much for your lovely compliments. I've missed you Zexy! Love, Demy

To Ughuuu: Aww, I love your reviews! Thank you so much for your support, and for reading! Haha, yes, I forgot I'm working on Japan time now, so my stories probably come out at the weirdest hours lol. Wow, I make Axel hotter than he already is? That is the best compliment I think I have ever received! Seriously! I'm in awe of that! Thank you so much ^_^ A flustered Roxas and perverted Axel it is!

To kindofabadger: Haha, I don't know how I do it either. It was supposed to be a oneshot, but you know me, I can't help but bring out longer stories than I first intend But I'm glad to hear that you like it!

To luckycat222: Really? Glad to hear that you liked it that much! Thank you so very much ^_^

To .demon.: Thank you, this story isn't over yet! Thanks for reading, and for reviewing ^_^

To Relive the Great: Thanks, that's always great to hear. Thank you for reviewing my story!

To ZeltaFrost: Awww, I'm honored to hear your dedication to my writing! I really do feel special hehe. I hope you had a wonderful akuroku day!

To keyblade master13: Thanks for the good luck on my exam! Im so glad to be done with that class, but my new classes start up again soon so its all short lived lol. I hope you liked this short update. Don't worry, it'll all pick up soon.

To chesire-love: Thank you! I appreciate all feedback ^_^

To Cirxe145: Haha, yes, romance is always good, and in the first chapter? I figured why not lol. It shall be longer than a one shot, but not nearly as long as my other more popular stories that I'm currently updating. Thanks for reading.

To twilighttimefan: Thank you, it's good to get feedback!

**So I'm not sure how long this story will be, but it will pick up soon. Thanks for all the support and reviews.**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	3. The Acting Became Reality

The next day came before I knew it and I was falling behind on my homework. Thanks to Axel's treat to dinner, I was bothered all night, thinking about what our potential friendship could look like. By the time I woke up after trying to sleep my sorrow away, I had to rush to the dining hall to cram breakfast before returning to my dorm to start a long day. Sadly, even that was a fail.

"Aye, Blondie, how you doing?" Axel asked casually as I rushed down the hall to my dorm, fiddling with my key, unable to get it in the lock.

"Stressed." I kept it short.

"You should relax."

"No thanks." I ignored him and started to go into my dorm when I realized that he was coming in with me. "Can I help you?" I turned around, keeping him in the doorway.

"I've never been inside your dorm." Axel said, trying to peep in.

"Well sucks for you." I started to close the door, but he put his hand on it.

"Quit being a recluse." He smirked and pushed it open, much stronger than I am, so I gave up and walked to my desk. I had never let anyone inside, which was something I both hated and took pride in, but I was actually nervous of having company.

"It's quiet and plain." Axel said, staring at my white walls and empty room.

"It's peaceful." I corrected him and he sighed.

"So what are you doing?" he sat his ass on my books that were resting on my desk, next to my hand. So dangerously close.

"Homework." I sighed, trying to give him the hint to leave.

"Sounds boring."

"Yeah, well, it's college."

"Yeah, so enjoy it before it ends." Axel put his hand on my head, but I was quick to push it off.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" I huffed, scribbling away in my notebook.

"What's that for?" Axel asked at my notebook and I rolled my eyes.

"It's for sociology." I said, annoyed.

"Can I see it?" He asked but I wasn't amused.

"No."

"Why are you so mean?" He stood up and I gulped. Ouch. Ok, so I know I'm not that social, but I don't want to come off as mean.

"I'm not." I said quietly.

"Yeah, you are." He said and I inhaled deep. Was he trying to hurt me?

"Just go." I whispered and he sighed loudly.

"Whatever you want." He left and then, without even realizing it, I felt tears trickle down my cheek.

I never wanted to come off as a jerk, but I'm just not used to having people want to talk to me. It's not my fault. I swear it.

To my parents I was nonexistent, because my twin, Sora, had always been the favorite. He had the cute adorable face, perfect brunette hair, a friendly smile, and the positive outlook that made everyone love him. I was just the weird kid who preferred to sit in a corner. It's not that I wanted to be alone; as I grew up watching my parents love Sora more, I realized that at least if I acted invisible, I couldn't blame them for not noticing me. Pretty soon, the acting became reality.

I stayed up that whole night, wondering what was it about me that made me look like an ass. Ok, sure, I never participate in any of our events on campus and I never go to any parties. I don't have any friends here or at home, so I don't really talk much. I never say a word in class, and I don't talk to anyone when I have free time. I have a small TV in my dorm, and that's all I need to entertain myself. Maybe I just don't know how to communicate? I remember Sora told me that, when we were still in junior high, back when I actually had friends. I didn't know what that meant, so I never changed. By the time high school came, I was already half dead inside.

I was watching TV that next day, still trying to figure out if there was any hope left in me when there was a knock at my door. I never get visitors, and again, I have no friends. The only people who ever knock on my door are drunk idiots or hot chicks, both of which are always looking for Axel's room. I decided to wait and hope they'd just figure it out on their own, that they had the wrong door, but when that didn't happen I sighed, already bothered as I hopped off of my lifted bed and opened the door.

"Seifer?" I asked. I hadn't seen him since he dumped me two years ago.

"Rox, I want to talk with you." Seifer walked right into my dorm as I stood there, confused. What the fuck was going on? What ex randomly just shows up to your college dorm, unannounced, and says that he wants to talk? "You coming?" he asked as he took the liberty of making himself comfortable by sitting on my bed.

"Huh?" I asked, still tangled in the awkward twist of fate. Could he miss me? Does he want to get back together?

"Sit down." He patted the bed beside him and I gulped as I slowly let the door close so that I could join him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I wanted to know what brought him to see me so randomly at night. Maybe, maybe we will get back together? That has to be it. Why else would he come? My heart was already racing.

"Look, I know this sounds weird and random and all, but there's something that I have to say."

I nodded. Go on. Yes, beg for me. Tell me that you missed me, and that you want me, and that you regret ripping my heart out. Tell me that I matter.

"Remember Olette?" Seifer asked and I froze, eyes wide. Olette. I used to be friends with her, until Seifer dumped me for her. He said that I was too boring, too plain, too dull for him and that he wanted someone with a sense of adventure and curiosity; someone like Olette.

"Yeah." I said quietly. Why would he remind me of something so painful?

"Well, we're over. She dumped me for Pence. Pence, of all people." Seifer shook his head. Ok I have to agree with him on that one. Pence is another one of the friends I used to have, but I'd take Seifer over him any day; not like I have that option anyway.

"Oh." I said. What else could I say? What did he expect me to say? Where is this all going?

"I know it might seem random that I'm here, but I need you now." Seifer said and I smiled. He needs me. He wants me. I matter. I actually forgot what this feeling was called. You know, when you get butterflies because things feel too good to be true, and you'd die to make this moment last? Yeah, that. That light headed feeling where everything is right and nothing hurts. When all the pain in your life, all the hurt just melts away because someone actually wants you in their life…I missed that feeling.

"Seifer," I smiled, my eyes about to tear up with happiness when he continued.

"I know that you were friends with Pence and Olette, but now I can't really talk to either of them, seeing as how there is a conflict of interest. That's why I need you." Seifer asked and I was puzzled again. How is that at all relevant?

"Um, I'm a little lost." I needed to know more. I didn't get how any of this was relevant, since the second that Seifer dumped me in front of our entire class and asked Olette out seconds later, everyone stopped talking to me. Or maybe I just stopped talking to everyone? I don't remember which, but that doesn't even matter anymore.

"You see, I really remember liking that Hayner guy, and I know you were tight with him." Seifer smiled and I couldn't hold back my utterly lost expression.

"HUH?!" I asked and Seifer inhaled deeply before he exhaled into relaxation.

"Hayner, I mean, yeah he used to be a bit of a bully and we used to have a thing against each other, but he's cute. And he's just as adventurous and active as I am. I think we'd make a good couple." Seifer shrugged and I could feel my heart sinking.

"You came all the way here to ask me to hook you up with someone else?" I asked, my eyes starting to show all the water that seemed to be drowning me.

"Roxas, don't be like this." Seifer put his hands on my shoulders as I sniffled.

"We haven't talked since you dumped me." I blinked over and over, my eyes trying to get rid of all the water storing up.

"I know, but there's just no way you and I can work."

"But I miss you." I sniffled louder. I missed Seifer so much, and not even for the right reasons. I just missed company. I missed being valuable to someone. I missed being told that I have worth. Fuck, even when I dated Seifer, I never had any of that, but I had an illusion of it, and it was somehow enough to keep me in the shitty relationship. Seifer openly flirted, but I wasn't allowed to do such things. He told me that if I loved him I wouldn't need to look at anyone else, but those principles never applied to him. I used to think about asking him about his own flirting, but I never wanted to scare him away. He was the only person I had left, and even though I knew he was just using me, I didn't care. "I really missed you," I repeated in my pathetic state.

"I can't say the same." Seifer put a hand up to my cheek and I inhaled deeply. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wanted to feel safe and secure like I used to when I had friends, and when I had a sense of who I was. Once he dumped me in front of our entire class, everyone thought I was a loser. I was ignored, bullied, made fun of, and officially labeled as an outcast. All the while, Sora got all the praise se and attention cause he was the 'good kid'; the only one worth noticing.

"Take me back." I begged, not sounding desperate, but man was I.

"No Rox." Seifer asked, sounding annoyed.

My lower lips quivered as I let a tear fall.

"Don't cry." He said, wiping my tear with his soft thumb. I reached for his hand, but he removed it from my face. "You just have to understand, Rox, we weren't meant to be."

I nodded through a heavy throat. You know when your throat feels clogged and you're trying to swallow but it just feels so heavy?

"Kay." I mumbled.

"We just aren't compatible. I need someone fun and curious and someone who has a sense of adventure." He shrugged, trying to sound cheerful, but I was beyond that now.

"Kay." I repeated like a broken record that I perhaps really am.

"See Rox? You're expecting someone to magically fall in love with you but there's no YOU to fall in love with!" Seifer yelled and my confused look was all that he needed before he continued to explain. "You're just this walking, sleeping, eating robot. You have no emotions, no feelings, no nothing! You're just dead!" Seifer yelled again.

He was wrong. Those words made me angry, hurt, crushed.

"You don't know how to push back!" Seifer shoved hard on my shoulders, pushing me back a little, but I just looked away, placing a hand over a sore shoulder. "No wonder you're all alone. There's nothing to you. Nothing worth falling in love with!" Seifer shook his head as I growled.

"You're wrong!" I shouted and he looked at me surprised. "I do have feelings and I'm fucking pissed!" I screamed loudly. My throat scratched and I panted, feeling relieved yet still so upset.

"So am I." Seifer got off of my bed as I snarled.

"Get out of my room!" I yelled.

"I already am, bitch!" Seifer yelled back as we both aimed for the door.

"Get out of my life!" I opened the door as I screamed again, all while he gladly stepped into the hall.

"You know, I hope you continue to rot all alone." Seifer scoffed, surprisingly calm as he walked away.

I huffed slowly, my anger being replaced with sorrow, when I looked at my right to see that Axel was standing in his doorway, arms crossed.

"Hey, there's no need for that." Axel called after Seifer, who turned around.

"Excuse me?" I should have warned Axel how much Seifer hates being challenged.

"Blondie, is this punk messing with you?" Axel asked me, but I shook my head, to avoid conflict.

"Heh, such a pathetic and helpless bitch; you can't even defend yourself when someone else is trying to." Seifer spat at me, so I gulped.

"You, shut the fuck up!" Axel pointed at my ex.

"You going to make me?"

"Get your ass off of my floor before I hurt it." Axel rolled up his sleeves as I watched in nervousness.

"Ppft, you aren't worth my time," Seifer said to Axel. "And you aren't worth shit." He turned to me and smiled before he left.

"Don't listen to him." Axel said to me after my ex disappeared around the corner towards the elevator, but it was too late; I knew Seifer's words were true.

I wanted to thank Axel for trying to defend me, but I just didn't have the energy, or even the will, to do or say anything. I could only stand there, feeling so utterly lost and confused.

"You want to talk about it?" Axel asked so calmly. I ignored him. Seifer was right. It's all my own fault anyway. I deserve to rot alone.

I started to go back inside my dorm when I heard Axel's light footsteps following me.

"Hey, Blondie? What's going on?" His voice was so soothing and relaxing, that it almost made me answer.

I kept my back towards him as my lip quivered and I fought back sobs.

"What's wrong?" Axel whispered, standing right behind me. "Why are you crying?" He asked softly and at that, I blew it. I cried out just before I buried my hands in my face. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if Axel saw me cry. I just didn't care about anything. I cried good and hard , dropping to my knees, wishing I could just end it all.

"Go away!" I shouted. I needed to be alone. Alone. It's the way I live, it's what I need. No one wants to be with me, so why should I want to be with anyone?

"Hey, calm down." I could hear Axel sitting next to me. "You want to talk about it? Tell me what's going on." Axel pulled at my arms to free my face, but I fought back. "Hey. Knock it off." He said firmly, yet sweet. It almost puzzled me, the way he was so demanding yet kind, so I gave up.

I wiped my face with my sleeve before he took my hands.

"Who was that?" He asked and I looked away.

"My ex." I didn't want him to know that I was gay, but the fight with Seifer was probably enough proof.

"Is he bothering you? Can he not leave you alone or accept that it's over?" Axel asked and I could only wish he was right. I laughed, but not in humor; more in my desperation.

"He dumped me." I explained, my throat feeling scratchy again as I sniffled.

"Oh, I see. Just now?" Axel leaned back against my desk and patted the carpet next to him, so I sat beside him.

"Two years ago. We stopped talking back then, but then he randomly shows up to ask me to hook him up with someone I used to know." I shook my head, angry again.

"Wow. Well now he's a dumbass for two reasons." Axel shook his head as well and I looked at him, silently asking for clarification. "He's a dick for asking his ex to do something like that. But his biggest mistake, was letting you go." Axel put his arm around me.

Fuck. What did he just say? My chest started rising higher, my heartbeat increasing. His arm was warm. So warm. So warm and soft, yet strong.

"He was right." I let my face fall back into my hands as I scrunched my knees to my chest. Damn, I'm so pathetic.

"Shh, no, don't say that. Clearly he doesn't see you for who you are, and that's his fault."

"But there's nothing worth seeing in me." I rested my chin on my knees, my hands now squeezing my legs closer to my body."

"I see a lot in you. And to be honest, I only wish you'd share more." Axel rested his head on my shoulder and I sat up straight.

"You do?" I asked and Axel nodded.

"I'm really sorry I called you mean yesterday. I guess I was just upset that you close yourself off so much. It's not fair for those of us who want to get to know you more."

"You, you want to get to know me?" I asked, not able to comprehend what that really meant. Most people are perfectly fine with my invisibility, and the rest are so good at knowing that I'm invisible, they forget I exist.

"I find you very entertaining Blondie." Axel smiled and I looked down into his eyes before I rolled mine.

"I'm not here for your amusement." I said. His head on my shoulder started to feel really good, especially the way his hair softly rubbed against my neck.

"No, but you're holding back cause you're scared. You think that you're protecting yourself by hiding, but all you're doing is cheating people out of meeting a great guy." Axel sat up, nestled his hand in my hair, and then stood to his full, tall frame.

"Thanks." I said, not wanting to admit just how much that meant to me. I'm sure I was smiling, even though I tried so hard to hide it. Was I blushing? God I hope not. But how can he be so sweet and kind all the time? Especially when I'm not even half as civilized back? He offered me his hand and I took it so he could help me stand up.

"Don't let anyone tell you who you are. That's only for you to decide." Axel smiled before he walked out and for some reason, I had to fight back the urge of following him.

* * *

**Author's Note: Oooh, so here we see some conflict! Talk about awkward with Seifer now in the picture, but then Axel is just pure perfect, as expected. Originally, Seifer's role belonged to Hayner, but then when I wrote the part when he leaves the dorm, I realized that I liked Hayner too much to make him a bad guy lol.**

To BI: Ummm, I'd feel really bad if I guessed wrong, and I have a lot of fans here who are BI, so I'm sorry to say that it's still a bit vague. I wish I could hug Axel too! My plushie of him just isn't enough hahaha.

To Amaya-vamp: Awww, sorry it took a while! I'm working on other stories, please check them out while you wait! Thanks for reviewing ^_^

To Relive the Great: Me no likey sad endings, but don't worry, things will get better ^_^ hahaha, yes, more of Roxas' body problems to come!

To luckycat222: haha, yes, I feel bad for poor Roxy for being that way, but it did make for a good scene! Glad you liked it. ^_^

To Roxas Grey: Lol, that last chapter got so much sympathy for Roxas, glad you liked it!

To Cirxe 145: Yeah, it sounds like Axel used pity, but now we see some understanding, so there's only one real way to find out! Hehehe.

To meeka-eela: Aww, yay! Glad to hear that you like it! Haha, I really wish that worked in real life, when you can just ask someone to let you love them lol.

To Alyse Darkwood: Thank you! Hope it continues to peak your interest.

To ChibiSeme97: I'm happy to hear that you enjoy this plot so far! Hehe, guess you will habe to keep reading hehe.

To Xiola-Nobody: haha, yeah, Axel is just too popular for his own good, so he has drunk and sober friends lol. Yeah, I'm pretty much there myself right now, especially since I move a lot and am constantly having to meet new people and make new friends, and then the old ones slip away, and I already lost most of my friends from my childhood. Right now, I only talk to two people that I used to from high school, which makes me feel both old and pathetic lol.

To Zelta Frost: Thanks for the enthusiasm in your reviews, they always cheer me up hehehe. I've been pretty busy but I need to be to stay distracted from some things that have been bothering me, which I guess is good, except it means less time for writing, homework, sleeping, and everything else lol.

**Thanks you everyone for following!**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	4. Isn't it Obvious?

Exam week came and every student looked like a zombie by the time sleep deprivation kicked in. There is one day each semester where the entire university has exams and we students spend all week cramming, and once the day ends, people either party or hibernate. Guess which category I fall into? No matter which group you belong to, we all belong to the same group of zombies worrying about grades more than sleep. I had dark circles under my eyes from staying up late studying and I had no social life at all, which is pretty much how I live every other week anyway.

Then, of course, I saw Axel the day before exam day and he was looking fresh and well rested and like the only real human among us zombies.

"Hey, whats up blondie?" He asked as we walked up a flight of stairs to get to our floor.

"Tired." I said, the only word on my mind.

"Yeah, this week gets crazy."

"You look just fine." I scoffed, a bit jealous that he didn't seem to be falling apart like the rest of us.

"Aww, thanks blondie. You're looking adorable as always." He winked and I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm.

"Don't you have something to study for?"

"Yeah, but why bother killing yourself for just one test?" He put his arms behind his head and it made his arms look twice as muscular.

"I guess." I said, not really wanting to think about it, or anything.

"Well, I'll catch you round. If you get bored, you know where to find me." he messed up my bed-hair and I pushed his hand off my hair as I went into my room and locked the door behind me.

When exam day was over, I spent that whole next day in bed, trying to make up for all the lost sleep.

"Blondie? You home?" I heard pounding on my door that disturbed my hibernation and I rolled out of bed, lazily stumbling to the door.

"What do you need?" I yawned, my eyes still half closed.

"Come on, it's celebration time!" Axel yelled and I shuddered.

"I want to sleep." I started to turn around to go back into my room when he yanked me into his room, shutting the door behind him.

"Quit being a little introvert and enjoy the fact that you survived exams!" Axel held a beer out to me and I shook my head.

"I don't drink." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Why not?"

"I…I don't hold it well." I remember last time I had alcohol, I got all pissy and started yelling and then I puked for the rest of the night.

"I'll take care of you. Come on, just one." He opened it and I took it just to shut him up.

Way too many beers later,

"And do ya know why?!" I screamed at Axel, who sat quietly on his floor while I stood up over him.

"No?" he seemed to be amused with my drunken state.

"Cuz *hiccup* cuz I'm always the one getting hurt!" I yelled and he shrugged.

"Why do you think that?" He patted the floor next to him and I plopped at his side.

"Cuz it's *hiccup* true." I sniffled and he put an arm around me.

"Who hurts you?" He wasn't anywhere near drunk; he hardly touched his second can.

"Everyone. My only boyfriend dumped me because I'm boring. *hiccup* and my parents don't ever call me because to them I don't exist, and I lost my only friend."

"What friend blondie?" Axel squeezed my shoulder and I burped.

"When I was lil I had a friend, but I lost him."

"He died?"

"No *hiccup*, I can't find him."

"Where'd he go?"

"I dunno." I shrugged and my eyes watered.

"You're such a sad drunk blondie." Axel's voice was too calm and serious for me.

"Well it's not my fault you made me drink!" I stood up, almost falling over, yelling and he stood up too.

"Hey, take it easy."

"No YOU take it easy!" I went for another beer and he grabbed me.

"I don't think you should have another."

"I don't think I care!" I shouted and he pulled me close to him, his hands on my wrists.

"No more." He said sternly and I pushed him, going again for that beer.

"I want it." I kicked over his can, spilling its contents on the floor in front of me.

"Watch out!" He yelled as I slipped on the spilled liquid, hitting my head on his bookshelf on my way down.

"Owwy." I put my hand to my head and he knelt in front of me.

"What am I going to do with you?" He sighed, lifting me up and putting me on his bed.

"I'm not sleepy." I kicked as he pulled the blankets over my legs.

"Knock it off." He said, struggling to keep me still.

"Hahahaha," I laughed loudly and he pinned my legs down, which worked until I pushed on his body with my arms.

"Quite it blondie." He groaned as he tried to swat at my flailing hands.

"Hehehehe." I giggled and he let go of me, standing up straight before he leaned in by my head.

"You have such a cute giggle." He stared deep into my eyes, and even in my drunkenness, I could tell that it was getting close.

"If you think I'm so cute, kiss me." I stuck my tongue out and he shook his head, about to laugh.

"What?" He asked in comical disbelief.

"Kiss me." I said, making silly faces like an impatient child.

"Be careful what you wish for." Axel smiled and I rolled my eyes.

"I've been wishing for a kiss from you since we moved in." I sat up, still drunk, too drunk, way too drunk to realize what I was doing.

"You what?" Axel asked, no longer in comical disbelief but pure disbelief.

"I said, I've been waiting for you to kiss me."

"You have?"

"Yeah. You're so cute and hot, but you're a flirt Axe, and it hurts me cause it makes me feel less special when you spend so much time smiling with girls. But I'm a guy, so it won't ever work." I put a hand on my heart and Axel put his hand over mine.

"Why do you think it won't work?"

"Cause you're always around girls. You love them, cause you're a guy too." I pointed at him, my fingertip on his chest and he smiled.

"But I don't like girls."

"You don't?" I asked, way too surprised, way too drunk.

"No. In fact, I love a guy right now."

"Oh." My heart sank and I was turning back into the sad depressed drunk.

"Yeah, his name is Roxas."

"Roxas? That's me!" I said putting a hand on my chest and he nodded with an adorable smile.

"Yeah. You're so cute blondie."

"You know my name?" I asked, surprised that he knew what it was.

"Yeah. I just, I'm afraid to say it, cause I only use it when I come." He winked and I scratched my head.

"Come from where?"

He laughed. "No silly. When I touch myself." He sat on the bed and I gulped.

"But, I thought you have sex with girls."

"No, I've never had sex, especially not with a girl."

"But, I've heard you before. Your bed squeaks and you pant really loudly."

"Yeah, cause I'm thinking of you."

"Of me?"

"Yeah. I stay up and think of your cute face and that sexy body of yours, and I get all hard."

"I'm sexy?" I giggled and he nodded.

"Yeah, irresistible." He leaned in and our foreheads touched. He inhaled big and I shivered.

"Axe?"

"Yeah blondie?" He asked, his eyes closed, as if he were trying to take in the moment.

"I don't feel so good." I put a hand over my stomach.

"Shit!" He stood up and grabbed a trash can, holding it over the side of the bed. And of course, I missed. I threw up all over his bedding, my head swirling.

"I feel better." I said, half conscious.

"Just lie down." He ripped the blankets off of me and put some spares on his bed over my tired body.

"Axe?"

"Yeah?" he sounded tried.

"Night." I snuggled into his bed, falling asleep right after I felt him kiss my temple.

"M?" I woke up with a yawn, stretching my arms as I sat up. I stretched my legs, till I felt something hard.

"Ow!"

"WAH! What the fuck are you doing in my room?!" I yelled, falling out of Axel's bed and falling hard onto the floor.

"The fuck? You're in my room after you passed out!" Axel sat up with a hand to his head.

"I passed out?" I stayed on the ground, completely lost and confused.

"Yeah. You got drunk and puked on my bed and fell asleep."

"No." I shook my head, refusing that I had been in his room all night long, in the same damn bed as him.

"Yea, look!" he pointed to a pile where his usual blankets were piled up in.

"That's impossible! I've been asleep since I finished my exam." I said, mainly to convince myself.

"You were seriously that drunk?"

"I don't drink!" I yelled and he rolled his eyes.

"Figures. You don't remember shit do you?"

"No, there's nothing to remember. I took my exam, went in my room, and fell asleep."

"Yeah, then you came in here, had way too much to drink, yelled at me, then started crying, and then you puked right after," He paused, thought, then shook his head.

"Right after?" I grew quiet, scared of what might come next.

"Nevermind."

"What did we do last night?" I stood up, curious, scared, hoping.

"Obviously it's not important if you don't even remember." Axel got off his bed and I sighed.

"I told you I don't handle alcohol well."

"Oh so you remember that but not anything else?" Axel snapped, glaring at my harshly. I had never seen him angry before, and it was starting to scare me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, hurt by his pain.

"Whatever Roxas." He exhaled loudly and I froze.

"You know my name?"

"Yeah, I said it last night, many times, but obviously you don't remember."

"I said I'm sorry!" I fisted my hands.

"I'm glad you can remember that!" He stood over me, angry, and I got scared by the intimidating figure hovering over me.

"I…I'm sorry." I said so quietly, I didn't think he heard me.

He sighed. "Just go get some rest." He opened his door and once I had both feet out, he slammed the door.

I've never seen him in a foul mood of any kind, but this, this was just terrifying.

I went straight into my room after I woke up in Axel's, trying desperately to remember what had happened the night before, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember a thing. That's why I never drank, because I end up forgetting shit and my friends tell me that I puke everywhere. Of course, that's when I had friends. Now, now it's just me.

When I was really little, I used to play with my next-door-neighbor. We'd play catch or tag or go over to each other's house to play video games. Sometimes, we stay over at night, and I remember one night, he held me. We used to make forts out of blankets and chairs, and in our little hand-made tent, he put his arms around me. I snuggled into him and for the rest of the night, we stayed like that. I would go to his house as often as I could to play with him, and I'd sneak out at night just to climb into his window so we could make tents and sleep together. But then, one day, he was gone. I lost him, and no matter how hard I tried to look for years afterward, I never found him.

After hours of hiding in my blankets, trying to avoid the possibility that I might have slept in the same bed as Axel, I got out of bed. I stood on my feet, my hips feeling a bit sore. I remember how odd walking felt when I fell out of his bed and tried to leave his room, but I was too confused to notice. But now, now I could feel this awkward sensation in my hips.

Oh god.

Did we?

No.

What?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Shit fuck.

Did we fuck?

Oh shit.

I shook my head. I couldn't have let him touch me. There's no way, right? He's not even gay, so why would he touch me? But then again, I did puke my guts out on his bed. So there's a chance he had to touch me at least somewhere. Fuck, I can't believe I threw up. Shit, I should apologize.

I got the courage to get out of my room, knock on his door, and wait for him to open it with a serious face.

"What?" He asked; no smile, no twinkle in his eye. Nothing.

"I, I'm sorry I threw upon your bed." I said sheepishly.

"It's fine."

"Look, I'm sorry that I got that drunk. Did we, did we do anything?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I want to know! It's my body, I have a right to know!" I got defensive and he sighed.

"If it's that important to you, don't pass out." He turned around but I stopped the door from closing.

"Why are you being like this?" I asked, actually missing his flirty side.

"Like what? I'm just saying that if you want to remember what you do with me, then you should take better care of yourself." Axel sat at his laptop but I stood at his side.

"I didn't even want to drink!"

"How the fuck do you remember that but not asking me to kiss you?" He stood up and I stood frozen.

"What?"

"You told me you liked me and you told me that you wanted me to kiss you."

"And, and then what happened?"

"Nothing. You puked." Axel looked away, like he was sad.

"Yeah, sorry about that." I said, hoping that I wasn't mistaking his look of sorrow for something else.

"Whatever." Axel crossed his arms and I shrugged.

"Look it's not my fault I can't remember ok?"

"Do you want me to kiss you are not?" He looked like he was seriously considering the options and I grew confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh my fucking god Roxas! See, this is why you don't have any friends! You forget about them!" Axel yelled and I took his words to heart, tearing up at how I really didn't have any friends.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed and he sighed.

"I'm sorry I yelled, I'm just, I'm so frustrated because it's like you don't even remember what we used to have."

"What do you mean?" I sniffled and he blinked rapidly.

"You're joking, right?"

"What?" I asked, starting to cry again.

"You know what? Fuck you." Axel shook his head and I got so angry.

"Fuck you! I'm confused and you aren't helping!"

"I shouldn't have to help my best friend remember who I am!"

"Best friend?" I asked, as if to myself.

"Wow. Really? Really Roxas?" Axel shook his head and opened his bedroom door. I thought he was going to kick me out, but I found it odd that he was leaving. Where did he plan to go if not to his own room?

"Axel?" I asked, following him, allowing the door to close and when it did with a 'click', I realized that it was pre-locked.

"Fucking shit man!" Axel put his hands in his hair. Great, I just locked him out of his room. That's always a pain in the ass because you have to call security, wait for half an hour, and let them unlock your door for you.

"I'm sorry!" I blurted and he put his hands over his eyes.

"I can't believe this." He sighed and I felt so bad.

"You can wait in my room." I said, unlocking my door as he dug into his pockets.

"I don't even have my phone."

"You can use mine." I said and he followed me into my room. It was the first time I ever let him inside willingly, and I was so glad that it was after exams, and after I had cleaned the piles of dirty clothes and food wrappers.

"Thanks," He said as I handed him my phone and he dialed the number, all of us having it in our phones just in case we got locked out, since it happens more than it should.

After he hung up, he sat on my floor.

"You can sit on my bed if you want." I said, sitting on my bed so he'd feel more comfortable.

He stood and sat next to me and I hated the awkward tension that hindered our conversation making.

I thought about it more and more; I was comfortable enough with him last night to drink enough to get that hammered. I don't know why I asked him to kiss me but why would have I asked it if I didn't mean it, even in my subconscious? And on top of it all, I fell asleep in his bed. But then, he fell asleep with me too. He could have slept on his floor, but he didn't. He sacrificed room just to share a bed with me; so maybe, maybe….maybe I'm crazy, or just a fool in denial. But maybe, he likes me? But he couldn't. I'm a guy and I hate him. Or…do I? Do I hate him, or am I just jealous that I don't have him?

"I'm really sorry Axe." I twiddled my thumbs.

"It's fine."

"Look, I don't want things to be weird between us."

"Me either."

"So, can we stay friends?" I asked, hoping I could actually call him that instead of just a neighbor.

"Just friends?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, why?"

"Isn't it obvious? I want to be with you."

"You do?" I sat up straight and he nodded.

"Yeah, and I thought it was mutual."

"You, you like me?" Now I was really lost.

"Yeah. I always have. That's what's bothering me. It's not that you puked or passed out on me when we were starting to get close; it's that you act like you don't remember who I am." Axel put his hand over his heart and I shrugged.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just have a bad memory."

"It hurts. It's like you said, it makes me feel less special."

"I'm really sorry Aki." I put my hand over my mouth. What did I just say? Why did I just call him the name I used to call my childhood friend? I'm so glad I never mentioned Aki's name, or nickname. To be honest I don't remember what his real name is, but still. I can't believe I called Axel that.

"What?" He turned to me and I became extremely flustered.

"Nothing, sorry!" I blurted and he took my hand off of my mouth.

"What did you just call me?" He asked, his eyes fierce, but I was saved when security came to let him back into his room.

He got up and went into his room while I stayed in mine, terrified of what I had just done and what that could bring.

* * *

**Author's Note**: **Not really in the best of moods, so I'm just going to post this and try working on other stories since I seem to burry myself in new stories when I still have many others to finish .**

**But at least we see some insight about Axel. So he IS gay, and he likes Roxas, but poor Roxas just can't seem to line his life up with Axel's at the right time. Shame.**

To Amaya-Vamp: Thanks, it means a lot to hear that!

To Luckycat222: Haha, yeah, I love Hayner, so I couldn't keep him as Seifer as I originally had it planned, but he is on the not-nice list as of the last chapter lol.

To chibi-seme97: haha "for the fandom", I like that! Roxas is always adorable! Thanks for reviewing!

To kindofabadger: thanks for the lovely compliment! Yeah, sadly I think a lot of people (myself included) can relate to the idea of wanting someone just to feel wanted in return. Sadly I'm pretty much there right now . I know its not fair, not for myself or the other involved, but it gets rough, you know? Oh, well that just answers the next sentence in your review. Pretty much, yes, they're based on personal feelings/experiences.

To ReliveTheGreat: Thank you!

To ZeltaFrost: Awww, all I can say is that your review truly put a smile on my face. Thanks for the love and support, it really means so much to me. I'm feeling a bit better, thanks to Japanese Rock, lol. I appreciate all of your reviews, sincerely. Thank you mucho!

To AgentAvacado: I'm so sorry to hear about your connection with the story, and I hope to offer encouragement that it's based on my experiences too, so you aren't alone. Thank you, I really hope that I don't let you down with this story!

To Lukrecia: Aww, well I'm super happy to hear that you enjoy reading this story! That's so cute!

To Cirxe145: Haha, yeah, guess you've been reading too much of my stuff to assume a rape scene was going to happen. Lol, I haven't finished this story, so we'll see lol.

Xiola-Nobody: Isnt Axel perfect? Lol I'm so jealous of a character that doesn't even exist lmao.

To Guest: Awwww, that is such a sweet review! I would love sitar-shaped cookies! Sorry for making you wait for the update!

To Keyblade Master13: Thank you for reading and reviewing! Yeah, Seifer is a jerk, and Axel is amazing, what's new? Lol.

**Thanks everyone for reading this story! I hope you all like it ^_^**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	5. The Promise That He Would Return

The weekend came and he went back home, so I was free for two whole days without any distractions or confusion. After the whole Seifer incident plus Axel's flare up, I figured it would be best to just stay away from anything or one that would make my head spin, and Axel definitely makes it on that list. But when he came back, I made a point to avoid him and any awkwardness that would come by being near him.

I was avoiding him like he had a deadly disease, and I hated how shallow I felt at the lengths I went to to make sure we didn't run into each other, but I couldn't help it. I'd look out my door before I'd leave to make sure he wasn't in the hallway; I'd make sure I didn't see his towel hanging over any shower curtains; stupid paranoid stuff like that. For a whole week I acted like I couldn't be anywhere near him, and one day when I was tip toeing down the hall, I felt a hand on my shoulder, yanking me backward.

"Whoa!" I yelled as I fell into his hands.

"Calm down." He said, looking serious.

"Did you have to give me a heart attack?" I said, trying to control my racing heart.

"Did you have to break mine?" He folded his arms and I looked at him funny.

"What are you talking about?"

"Come with me," he turned around, not even checking if I followed, but I knew I could only avoid him for so long, since it really was a lot of work.

"What is it?" I asked after he shut the door behind me.

"Answer me this Roxas: Do you really not remember, or do you just not want to remember?"

"Remember what?" I said, getting angry and impatient.

"Remember your Aki!" He said, pointing to his chest.

Wait a second. He….he's my Aki? My best friend, from my past?

"Aki?" I asked. My memories of him were vague at best because I was little, but now that I thought about it, he did look a lot like him.

"Yeah, your Aki! How many fucking redheads do you know?" He pointed to his hair as I gulped.

"You calling me stupid?" He had a point, but it's not my fault I forgot.

"Maybe careless." He scoffed as I grew frustrated. "Roxy, I held you and took care of you when you were sick and when your parents would ignore you. I kissed you and loved you when you would cry that no one else would." Axel looked at the floor, looking so sad, and so I joined him by staring at my shoes with a frown.

"Those memories seem too good to be true."

"Well they are true and it's not fair that you're taking whatever issues you have out on me!" Axel yelled and I got angrier.

"Issues? Excuse me that I don't want to be used and hurt!"

"All I want to do is love you." Axel said irritably and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, that really proves it."

"You know what Rox, you can go fuck your cocky lil self all alone for all I care." Axel crossed his arms and bent down to be eye level with me, and before I could stop myself, I slapped him.

I didn't even realize how my eyes were watering.

"Fuck you! I am all alone because my Aki left me and I couldn't find him! I'm sorry if I don't want to be loved, but I don't know what it feels like and I'm scared because I don't want to have to look for anyone again. I don't want to be alone." I sobbed as I covered my face with my hands, and to my surprise, I felt his arms around me.

"You don't have to be alone Roxas. Your Aki is back. I'll love you and care for you, just like I used to." Axel whispered but I pushed him away.

"Who says I want your love anymore? It's too late!" I opened his door and ran into my room, scared of what could have happened next if I didn't; scared that I could have accepted his tempting offer, or that I would have snapped and made the situation much worse.

From now on, I really have to avoid him. I have to make sure I never end up alone with him; cause as afraid as I am of being alone forever, I'm more afraid of being loved and having to love in return.

It wasn't long till Axel came knocking on my door, but I never answered it. I heard him calling my name, but I never responded. Thank god he didn't have my number, but I know I never would have gotten my lazy, selfish, ass out of bed. Was I being selfish? Or just careful? Either way, I had to protect myself. From what? I'm not exactly sure, but it's out there, whatever 'it' is, and I refuse to let myself fall victim to it.

Thanks to all of my busy classes, I hardly ran into him for the next week and a half. I went a long time not having to see that perfect face, those dazzling eyes, or those tempting lips.

I worked hard to be invisible, but on my way back from class one day, I felt a hand pulling my arm and next thing I knew, I was in his dorm, backed up into the closed door, his palms at the sides of my hair.

"Axel?" I asked, trying to squirm to leave, but he wouldn't let me move as he pinned my wrists above my head and pushed my legs into the door behind me with his.

He didn't say anything; didn't look me in the eye, but he did kiss me. He pressed his lips hard against mine as I fidgeted, trying to escape. When I pushed hard enough, he backed up.

"What the fuck?" I yelled, running out of his dorm and into mine, locking the door behind me. I don't know why, but I started crying. I sat against my locked door, sobbing to myself as I hated him more for making me hate myself.

I didn't love him, didn't want to love him; I just wanted to be alone in my lonely life and move on. Right? Fuck, I can't even lie to myself. His lips were so warm, so smooth and friendly, but it was painful. It ached my heart to the core, just feeling the love escape from his flesh and onto mine. I didn't want it. I didn't want him. I just wanted to go back to how things were, before he cared about me. I just wanted to go back to being invisible. I know I used to bitch about it, but at least when I'm invisible, I'm alone in my misery. Now, now I dragged Axel into my drama, and I hate feeling so guilty for other people's suffering. I was the blame for my parents problems, and I never want to be the reason for anyone else's pain. That's why I need to be alone. Not just for me, but for everyone else.

I moved to my desk and worked on my essay for the entire day before I got up to shower, praying on my life that we wouldn't run into each other.

I was in the clear as I made it down the hallway, but when I walked into the bathroom, I saw him. I tried to ignore him as best I could when he grabbed my wrist.

"Let me go!" I snapped, but when we made eye contact, it was clear that he had been crying.

"I'm sorry." He looked at the ground beneath us and I sighed.

"It's ok." I whispered before he pulled me into his shirtless, toweled body.

"I love you." He said, kissing my forehead when I pried my body off of his.

"Just stop kissing me." I shivered as I went into my stall, secretly blushing. That forehead kiss may have been unwanted, but it was warm and it felt good. Not just sexually, but somehow, it felt good inside. I put my hand over my heart, just breathing, thinking about what his one kiss was doing to me and how I felt about that. I was scared. I was nervous. Was I angry? I don't really know. I just felt vulnerable, and I didn't like that; but I also felt warm, and that always feels nice.

It was so conflicting, because I was still so bothered by everything. I missed feeling like I was invisible, no matter how much I used to hate it, but the warmth of his presence and the butterflies caused by his company are not something that can be easily ignored. I wanted answers, from myself, without having to think about the solutions. I wanted to be invisible, but I wanted to be warm. Loneliness is beyond cold; it's freezing with a yearning for arms that care and hands that cradle emotions with delicacy and love. Love. Yeah, that's what I want.

After my shower, I ran to my dorm before he got out of his, and when I was back inside, I finished my homework as I listened to some music.

The next day I saw him walking down the hall away from his dorm as I was walking towards mine.

"Hey beautiful." He smiled and I looked at him funny.

"Excuse me?"

He pinned me against the wall, looking up and down the empty hall. "I told you I love you; I will stop at nothing to earn your love back." He said as I shook nervously. "I love you Roxas." He smashed his lips against mine as I wriggled against his body and the wall. "Keep moving, it's only making me harder." He whispered and I froze.

"Ah, Aki," I couldn't help but utter, feeling his tongue sweep across my trembling lips.

It was tantalizing. It was erotic yet innocent; it was burning with passion yet it left me shivering all the same. I couldn't understand what it was that he was doing, or how, but as I stood trapped between his body and the wall, I accepted my fate as his prisoner. I couldn't move, couldn't think, could hardly breath as his legs pressed firmly against mine. As I felt his knee rub up into my crotch, feeling returned to my fingers, causing my brain to switch back 'on'.

"Let me go, creep!" I pushed him off me and quickly ran into my dorm, turning around at the last second to see him smiling at me.

Again, I slumped against my locked door, trying to figure out all these crazy thoughts and emotions flowing through me. I didn't want him to love me, didn't want to love him, but at those words, I couldn't help but feel something.

No; stop. I can't allow him to win me over, as if I were some prize or some game. No matter what, I have to stay strong. No matter what, I can't love him. This can't work. It's not even a matter of what I want. It's what needs to be.

* * *

That night, I dreamt of memories, flashbacks really, of what used to be. I was reminded of just how much Axel had always meant to me, back when I was little, back when I had no one, except him.

I was five, and I, I was alone in my bedroom. My parents were out with Sora, spending munny on him, spoiling him, making sure that he was always smiling; all while I sat in my bedroom, bored. Then, out of nowhere, Axel climbed up the wall and into my window, luckily on the first floor. Even in my dream, I had the same smile as I did those years ago, where I could hardly contain my joy.

"Aki!" I clapped as he stood up.

"Roxy!" Axel hugged me as I squeezed him.

"Missed you." I didn't let him go.

"Me too." Axel ruffled my hair. He would always try to sneak in my room at night, but he didn't for the two nights prior, and that made me miss him dearly.

"You, you can stay with me tonight, right?" I had to be sure, even though he had spent nearly every night with me for the past year.

"Mhm." He nodded quickly.

"Good!" I took his hand and held it.

Axel yawned as he nodded.

"You're already sleepy?" I asked him and he gave a shy nod.

"Sorry," he rubbed his eyes.

"It's ok, come on, let's sleep." I rushed in bed before I snuggled up to him.

"Aki? Can you read to me?" I asked, because my reading still sucked at that age, and I always fell asleep to his voice reading to me.

"Uh-huh."

"Can you read this one? There are pictures." I remember how every day I would rent a book at the library, where I spent most of my time when I knew I had to wait for Axel to visit me in my room. Then when Axel came at night, I would have him read to me, so I could fall asleep to the sound of his voice.

"The Cat in the Hat?" Axel read the title. "This is for babies." He said, but I shook my head.

"I think it's funny." I giggled.

"I think you're funny." Axel giggled back.

"Aki?" I closed my eyes.

"Hm?"

"I like you." I rolled over, nervous to see his face as I tried to fall asleep.

"I like you too Roxy." Axel held me and read to me as I fell asleep. When I woke up, Aki was gone, but my book was in my bed.

I remember going back to the library that day, renting more books, and waiting for Aki that night. I stayed up as late as I could with my window open as the wind blew inward, causing me to shiver as my hopes of his entrance died.

I got myself situated in bed, tears forming in my eyes as I realized just how much I needed him.

"Goodnight Aki," I sniffled to myself, wishing he were there to say it.

Nothing.

"Night Roxy," I said for him in his stead, but it just wasn't the same. I wiped my eyes before I started crying harder, missing him badly. It had only been a day, but it felt like an eternity at that young an age.

"Don't cry." I stopped rubbing my leaking eyes to see Axel climbing into my room. I jumped out of bed and tackled him for a hug, accidentally knocking him onto the ground as I fell on top of him.

"Oof!" Axel grunted.

"Sorry!" I apologized, standing up and extending my hand.

"It's ok. I'm happy you missed me." Axel smiled wide.

"I always do." I sniffled.

"Don't cry Roxy. I'm right here." He hugged me.

"I like you Aki." I smiled as I swayed from side to side in our embrace.

"I like you too." He whispered, as if we were saying something forbidden, yet true.

"I, I thought you weren't going to come." I shivered.

"Sorry I'm late." Axel apologized.

"I was worried." I frowned.

"I wouldn't miss your birthday eve." Axel smiled. "Happy almost birthday Roxy." Axel pecked my lips as my cheeks stained red.

"You, you remembered?" I asked.

"Of course." Axel giggled.

"I'm so glad you're here!" I choked him with a tight hug.

"I'm glad you're here." Axel smooched my cheek.

"Can we go to bed now?" I asked and he nodded, holding me as I used his arm as I pillow.

"Goodnight Roxy." He kissed my cheek.

"Goodnight Aki." I squeezed his waist. We fell asleep, and when I woke up to see him still with me, I smiled.

"Happy birthday Roxy." Axel rubbed my side.

"Thank you Aki." I inhaled deeply.

"Now that you're awake, I should probably leave." Axel sat up with me still on his chest.

"No! Don't go!" I begged.

"I don't want you to get in trouble, or me." He frowned. "I just wanted to say happy birthday once you woke up."

"Aki, please don't go. I," my eyes watered. "I don't want to be alone on my birthday." I started to sniffle.

"I'll be back tonight." Axel stood up.

"Don't leave me." I followed him as he walked to the window.

"Roxy, I will come back. But I'm not supposed to be here right now. I'll come play later, ok?" he asked with a smile, so I nodded.

"I'm gunna wait right here." I pointed to where my feet were planted.

"Hehe, ok Roxy. I like you." He kissed my cheek as I bit my lip.

"I like you too Aki." I hugged him as tight as I could.

"No crying on your birthday, ok?" he pointed a finger at me and I nodded back.

"Bye," he said before he disappeared out my window.

That entire day, my parents took Sora out, but I stayed home. They didn't ask if I wanted to go with them, as if they expected me to be all alone on my sixth birthday.

I didn't care; I had a job, and that was to wait patiently for Axel, which I did.

For hours, I sat on my bedroom floor, trying to improve my reading, since I wanted to impress Axel so badly.

"Roxy?" I heard a tiny voice out my window, so I ran.

"Aki!" I cheered as I helped him up.

"I'm back!" he hugged me, so I laughed as I hugged him back.

"I'm so happy." I smiled.

"Good. You should be happy on your birthday. You're six now, almost as big as I am!" Axel pointed to himself.

"I want to be seven so badly." I huffed.

"Hehe, one day." Axel sat on my bed.

"Oh, Aki, look!" I took a book out of the stack on my floor. "Green eggs and ham," I started reading as Axel watched. He corrected my few errors, but when I finished, he started clapping.

"That was great Roxy." Axel patted my head.

"I can't wait to be as good a reader as you." I pointed at him.

"Keep practicing." He smiled, but it looked tired.

"Are you ok?" I could tell that something was wrong.

"Just tired." He shrugged.

"Come on, we can nap." I fluffed up my pillow.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be bored on your birthday." Axel was always so considerate.

"Mhm, as long as you're here, I'll be happy." I got cozy in bed as I watched Axel do the same.

"Roxy?" Axel asked as if he were thinking.

"Hm?" I was curious to hear his thoughts.

"I have a present for you, but I left it at home." Axel frowned.

"A present?" I got excited.

"Mhm. I can go get it now if you,"

"No, it's ok. I'd rather wait. Just want to hold you." I put my arms around him.

"Hehe, ok. I'm glad. Cause I want to hold you too. I'll bring your present next time. Promise." Axel put his arms around me.

"Goodnight Aki." I curled up into his embrace.

"Goodnight Roxy." Axel held me throughout the night. When I woke up, he was gone, as usual, and as always, I grew as sad as ever.

At least, that was until that night came, and Axel didn't show up, and I learned a new definition of the word 'sad'. When the third night passed without his visit, I couldn't help but cry. Four nights passed, then five, and when the sixth came and went, I was sure that something had happened to him.

Then, on the eighth night, he came, and I was so happy and so sad all at once, that I cried even as he held me.

"Why did you leave me?" I sobbed in his arms on my bed.

"I'm sorry." Axel looked more tired than usual. He always showed up to my house, ready to sleep, but there was an exhaustion about him that couldn't be explained.

"I, I missed you." I sniffled onto his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He repeated.

"Don't leave me again, ok?" I ordered as I rubbed my cheek on his chest.

"Ok." His voice seemed hallow, but I was too confused in my saddened happiness to question it. Instead, I fell asleep in his arms, and when I woke up, he was going out the window.

"Aki!" I called out to him.

"Roxy? Go to bed." He said.

"I'll see you tonight?" I asked, but he looked like he was thinking.

"I love you Roxy."

My eyes went wide. Even as a kid, I knew not to throw that word around.

"Aki?" I was confused.

"I love you," He smiled, but he looked hurt, like he was going to cry.

"I love you too." I smiled, and then his smile grew.

"Bye Roxy." He waved, and I waved back, feeling a sorrow deep down inside me. We never waved goodbye. Never. There never felt a need to do such a thing, but somehow, this goodbye felt more real than all the previous ones. But I held onto the promise that he would return, and give me my birthday present, and hold me as I slept, as he always did.

Little did I know that that would be the last time I would see Axel, until college.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I have an exam in my Japanese class in two days so that's why I've been gone for a while, but after that things should mellow out. Also I've been super busy looking at random cosplays. I wish I was good at arts and crafts cause I suck at that sort of thing, and I really wish I knew how to make them, or at least I wish I could make munny out of writing fanfiction so I could afford these cosplays Anyway, onto the story. So, we see some history between the two, and a cute/sad one at that! But Axel is stepping up, bold and brave! Although, it looks like Roxas' frustrations and fears are getting in the way. Shame.

To twilighttimefan: Thank you for your enthusiasm! I appreciate all the support! Please keep reviewing ;)

To Chibiseme97: I'm fangirl squealing at your fanboy squeals! Hahaha! Yay for accurate predictions.

To luckycat222: hahaha, yeah, it was pretty obvious that it was Axel all along, and I feel like the Roxas in this story would act all bipolar/stubborn like that! It's so frustrating, it makes for a better story lol.

To barnabas Collin: Thank you! Such an encouragement to hear!

To ReliveTheGreat: Yeah, it is frustrating when something you're anticipating doesn't happen because someone got drunk….. I'm going to add a new chapter into this story that is going to be nearly word for word a personal experience that just happened to me a few days ago….you'll see haha.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Hahaha, your last review made it seem as if I would let things work out all perfect and smooth! Sorry, but you know I can't do that . Meh, life is busy, and family struggles are getting worse, but as for me personally, I'm still hanging in here, so its all good ^_^ I hope you're doing great!

To Fanfic-over-published: CONGRATS on making your account! Welcome to fanfic haha. Omg, I'm so glad that people see my tumblr! I'm always liking things, but never posting (I think my ex found my account and now I'm scared to post my yaoi :/ ) anyway, yes, I have TONS of KH yaoi, so please check it out, and thank you so much for reviewing this one!

To makoblue93: Thank you for the paopu cookies! They were yummy ^_^ I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Love, Sarabellum

To xion113: Aww, thank you so much, I appreciate hearing that so super much!

To kindofabadger: *bigger hugs back* Haha, isn't intoxicated Roxas just too cute? I mentioned to another reader that I'm going to add another chapter that will encompass my first intoxication, which happened just a few days ago (I know, bad Sarabellum!) but I'm hoping you will all get a good laugh out of it :P

To ZeltaFrost: It will all be revealed in due time whether or not they did anything while Roxas was intoxicated. And yeah, its not supposed to be clear, so you aren't slow, don't worry! I'm doing much better, just down from school and my mom's poor health. But I'm staying positive, so it's helping. Thanks for all of your support!

To Purple Rin Ninja: Thank you! Such sweet complements in your review, I appreciate them all. Yes, Roxas and Axel re just too perfect! Thanks for reviewing!

**Announcement**: I have been getting a **TON of requests for stories lately**, and I really am SO honored and happy to be a thought in your mind when thinking of an author. Due to recent struggles, but financial and time-related, I'm going to request a small fee for any story. It'll be cheap, so no need to worry! Short stories (like one-shots) will be about $5, for your very own pairing and plot. Longer/more developed story will rang based on plot ideas, but I will provide estimates before any 'deal' is made. I hope this doesn't discourage anyone from requesting a story. I've actually been told by several people that they would pay, so please don't be scared to **ask for an estimate**! (I accept paypal)

**Thank you everyone for reading!**

**Love, Sarabellum**


	6. Who He Really Is

I had these weird dreams every night for nearly a whole week after he last kissed me. In these dreams, I didn't fight back; I didn't push him away or reject his affection. I just…I let him love me. I let him hold me; I let him tell me that he loves me; I even let him kiss me. In those dreams, I got my Aki back. When I wake up, I don't know how to feel. I guess I have this sense of longing, like, like maybe I miss him. But then I get angry. Bitter at how we used to be such perfect friends and perhaps even more when we were little. But then it all ended when he left me.

I remember when he first came into my life; the very day I met him.

I was bored, early into my fifth year, exploring the nearby woods that surrounded my neighborhood. I used to spend a lot of my time wandering about the area, since I knew that my parents didn't care enough to warn me not to. By the time I was five, I already had my very own secret hideout, and I was on my way there when I heard a noise. Naturally as a child, I became frightened, and when the noise of snapping twigs got louder, I gulped.

"Whose there?" I jumped through a bush, officially entering my secret place, a small patch of grass that was hidden perfectly by tall bushes and shrubs.

"Whoa?" A tall redhead boy stood up, caught off guard.

"Who are you?" I asked, curious as to how he found my secret spot.

"I'm Axel." He said shyly.

"Ahki-sickle?" I failed.

"Axel." He shook his head.

"Ah-key-si, Aa-ku," I grunted at myself as I struggled to say his name.

"A-X-E-L." He said slowly.

"Aki, how did you find this place?" I abbreviated his name.

"I just found it." He shrugged simply.

"Hmm, it's my secret place." I pointed at my chest. He looked at me curiously before I pointed to the yellow thing on his head. "What's that?"

"This is my fireman hat." He patted it.

"You're a fire man?!" I asked enthusiastically.

"Mhm!" he nodded happily. "Well," he frowned. "Not yet. But one day I will be!"

"Why?" I was curious.

"Cause I want to help people.

"Wow, so you're going to be a hero?" I was mesmerized by the bigger kid.

"I guess." He put a finger to his innocent lips.

"So you'll save me, if I need help?" I asked.

"Well," he looked around. "There has to be a fire."

"Nu-uh!" I argued. "Hero's help people, no matter what!" I pointed at him.

He thought for a moment before he nodded. "That's true. Ok, I'll help, no matter what!" he fisted an open palm.

"Promise?" I asked and he nodded. "You have to say it."

"I promise." He held up an honest hand.

"Good. I'm Rocks-ess." I tapped my chest.

"Roxy-is?" he asked and I shook my head.

"Rocks-ess! It's easier than your name, Aki-sickle."

"It's Axel," he giggled.

"Aki." I nodded with a goofy grin.

"Hehe, you're funny." He took off his fireman hat.

"You too." I sat down looking up at the tall trees.

"So how did you find this place?" Axel asked me.

"I live there." I pointed in some random direction. "I come here a lot."

"I just moved here." Axel sat next to me, keeping his hat in his lap.

"Do you have friends?" I asked, but Axel shook his head with a frown. "What about me?" I asked, hurt.

"Huh?"

"Want to be friends?" I asked and he nodded.

"Ok."

"Good, cause I get lonely." I clicked my shoes together, my legs extended before my body.

"Me too." Axel said quietly. It went silent before he stood up.

"Where are you going?" I asked, not wanting him to leave.

"Home."

"Oh." I frowned. "Will you come back tomorrow?" I asked.

"Ok." He shrugged.

"Good." I smiled.

"Bye." He ran off as I stayed for a little while longer.

That next day, I didn't see him, so I figured he either didn't show, or he was there when I wasn't. I couldn't explain why, but I really wanted to see him again. Just one encounter with him made me want to keep him at my side for forever. To be honest, he was my only friend. And we hardly even knew each other, but still, I could tell that he understood me. The day after, I had gotten in trouble with my mom for not listening, so after she scolded me, I ran to my secret place, crying.

"Roxy?" I heard Axel voice as I cried, sitting on the grass with my face in my hands.

"Aki?" I sniffled.

"Why are you crying?" he asked curiously as he sat next to me.

"Cause nobody, no, nobody loves me!" I sobbed.

"Your mommy loves you." He said but I shook my head.

"She just loves my brother."

"What about your daddy?" he rubbed my back soothingly.

"Him too." I rubbed my leaking eyes.

"Your brother?" he guessed next.

"Mommy wont let me play with him." I chocked on some tears. My mother had my twin and I segregated, as if she were afraid I'd somehow mess up his perfect life. "Nobody likes me." I cried harder.

"I like you." Axel said quietly.

"You, you do?" I paused my tears to ask.

"Mhm." He nodded with a sincere smile.

I, I like you too." I swallowed hard.

"Good." He patted my head.

"Did you come yesterday?" I had nearly forgotten about my sorrow.

"Yeah, but it got dark, so I went home." Axel said.

"Oh. I came too, but you weren't here." I cleaned my face with my sleeve.

"Roxy?" Axel asked, sounding serious.

"Yeah?"

"It's cold out here. And it's going to get dark soon."

"We can go to my room." I stood up.

"Ok." Axel stood up next. "Where is your house?" he asked, so I took his hand. It was warm. I'll never forget that. His palm was soft and warm and I wanted to hold onto it without ever having to let go.

"This way." We made it out of the forest and up to my bedroom window, just above my head, facing the pathway we had just trotted.

"Here, I'll give you a boost." Axel lifted me up into my window, then used his height to climb in next.

I quickly shut my bedroom door and sat on my bed while Axel glanced around my room.

"Wooow, you have a lot of toys." He said in awe.

"They're my brothers old toys." I mumbled. All of my toys were the ones that Sora either got bored of, or broke.

"You have a lot of books." Axel pointed to a corner in my room.

"I want to read."

"You don't know how?"

"It's hard!" I complained.

"Hehe, I can help you." Axel offered with a smile.

"Really?" I asked with excitement.

"Sure." Axel sat on my bed.

"Gee, thanks!" I smiled wide. Axel and I played with my toys in my room for a few hours before we got tired.

"Aki? Can you read to me?" I asked with a yawn.

"Are you sleepy?" he giggled as I nodded. "Which one?"

"This one." I pointed, my thumb in my mouth.

"Roxy, you're not a baby." Axel laughed at me.

"I'm sleepy!" I whined back.

"You're cute." He said, causing me to blush shyly.

"Am not!"

"Uh-huh, but it's a good thing." He smiled.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Ok, I'll read this one." Axel took the book I had pointed to and began to read as I laid down in bed.

Before I knew it, the sound of his calm voice reading was putting me to sleep, and when I heard creaking, I rushed to sit up.

"Aki?" I rubbed my sleepy eyes to see him walking to the window.

"Night Roxy." He said as he got ready to exit.

"Don't go," I reached for him.

"Bed-time." He said.

"It's dark!" I was scared for him.

"You'll be fine." He reassured me with a smile.

"But you'll get lost." I frowned.

"I live right there." Axel pointed to the house right next to mine. He…he was my new neighbor.

"Can you come play tomorrow?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Goodnight." He repeated before he crawled out the window.

I fell back asleep, and from then on, we spent time together almost daily.

* * *

I sat up in bed one night after another one of those dreams, curious to find out the truth; curious to know why he left me. I put my ear to the wall that divides our rooms and I could hear light music playing. I figured that if he were still awake, then I had a right to ask him and find out what happened. Looking like a sleepy mess at two in the morning, I banged on his door.

"Well if it isn't my favorite blondie boy." Axel grinned, leaning against the doorway.

"We need to talk." I said, squeezing myself past him and into his room.

"Um, ok, whats up?" I could tell that he was confused and caught off guard by my determination as he jumped onto his lifted bed and I climbed onto it as well, sitting quietly beside him.

"What's on your mind?" he asked and I inhaled big. I was scared. Sure I wanted an answer, but do I really want to know? What if finding out the truth only makes it worse?

"Where did you go?" I asked, starting at my shoes that dangled off the edge of his bed.

"What do you mean?" He asked and for some reason, anger overcame me.

"Where did you go?!" I yelled, slamming my fists on his bed.

"Whoa, Roxas, calm down." Axel put a hand on my shoulder but I shoved it off.

"Why did you leave me? Where did you go?" I demanded an answer, but he only looked away.

"Answer me!" I thought I was going to lose my voice, but when he turned to look at me, all I saw was hunger in his eyes. The next thing I knew, he had me pinned to his bed with his body on top of mine as his lips held mine captive. I squirmed and tried to break free, but he was too strong. When I begged for air, he sat up, and I panted as I tried to decipher my thoughts, feelings, and my emotions. I sat up next to him, silent and still until he gulped.

He looked at me, and when we made eye contact, I couldn't help but slap him. His red cheek turned to the side, giving me the view of the consequences of my actions. When he turned to face me again, his demeanor sad and troubled, I slapped him again. He stared at the floor, then sighed.

"I'm sorry." His voice was so quiet, I almost didn't hear it.

And for a reason I can not describe or understand, I started crying. Something inside me made me feel so vulnerable and so lonely, and I broke down.

"Why did you leave me?" I sobbed, letting my head fall onto his shoulder.

"Shh, you're Aki is here." Axel wrapped an arm around me, and like the helpless being I was, I cuddled into his embrace.

"I missed you." I sniffled and could feel his soft silky hair on my crazy spikes.

"I missed you too Roxy."

"Then why did you go?" I asked, trying to keep more tears from leaving.

"I'm sorry." He said, and I waited for an explanation I never got.

"Why?" I asked again but he only sighed loudly.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?" I started sniffling again, hating how I only had half a puzzle to work with.

"You wouldn't want to know anyway." Axel let go of me and I instantly missed his warmth and care.

"Of course I want to know! I deserve to know!" I shouted, angry that he wouldn't tell me why my life sucked from the second he left it.

"It was my life Rox!" He argued back but I hopped off his bed and yelled back.

"But I loved you! That makes it my life too."

"I'm sorry." He repeated poorly.

"Once you left, my life went to hell!" I started to get worked up again and he sat silently. "My parents forgot all about me because they only loved Sora! I got pushed into the back of everyone's minds until I was convinced that I had truly become invisible. I started dating a dick of a guy but I finally thought that I had some kind of value, but then he dumped me because I was dull and because he found someone better; someone worth noticing. All I wanted was my friend back; my companion and love, but he left me. I thought I lost him, and I tried looking everywhere for him, but I couldn't find him. And now he shows up as my dorm neighbor, and he's willing to confess his love to me, but he wont even tell me why he left me?" I became so overworked, I felt like I was drunk again.

"I'm sorry." He shrugged and I jumped off the bed, and with all I had inside me, I slapped him again. I could feel my own hand stinging, and I could only imagine how badly his red-stained cheek must have felt.

I froze at my own actions, cause the tears streaming silently down his cheek were becoming too much for me to handle. I sniffled a couple times before I ran out of his room and quickly into my own, slamming my door shut, locking it, and sobbing wildly on my bed, wishing I had never found out who he really is.

* * *

That night was restless as I could feel the unending stinging on my hand mixed with the empty cold on my lips, almost as if they missed his presence. I tried to suffocate myself in my blankets, but I couldn't achieve the warmth that he so easily provided.

I hated myself so much for what happened, but I still couldn't help but blame him. All I wanted was proof that he really loved me; I just wanted an answer that would make me realize that he never wanted to leave me back then. Instead, he just apologized and told me that he couldn't say. What kind of answer is that? How does he expect me to hear that and be ok? I just wanted an explanation, and instead, I got angry; angry enough to hit him. The first two times I slapped him were more like warnings; but the last time, damn I can still feel the icy connection between my palm and his cheek. I dint want to hurt him, but at the same time, I did. I wanted him to feel the pain I had to endure during my childhood once he left; I wanted him to experience the stinging that broke my heart when he abandoned me.

Still, I felt bad about making him cry. I don't think it was because of the pain though; maybe it was all the yelling and shouting I targeted at him. It was nearly three in the morning when I realized that I had hardly caught a wink of sleep due to all of these confusing thoughts.

It was a Saturday too, so no class, which meant that I could sleep during the day to make up for last night. But that doesn't take care of my problem with Axel. I sighed as I actually considered knocking on his door to apologize. What would he think of me? Then again, would he think worse of me if I didn't? And why did I even care what he thought?

With each minute I spend deliberating, I began hating myself more. Only I could make something so simple and turn it into something so completely complicated.

Before I could change my mind, I stood outside his door, knocking. I knocked for a while before a white slip of paper came from under the door that read, 'go away'. I crumpled it up and knocked louder, banging harshly on the door.

"I'm sorry." I said, hoping it'd be enough for him to open up.

"Go away." I could barely hear him say.

"I'm trying to apologize!" I said, getting angry that he wouldn't listen to me when I was trying to be sympathetic.

"Go away!" He yelled and I kicked his door.

"Fine!" I went back into my room and fell on my bed, angry. I tried to be civil; I tried to apologize. If he doesn't want to listen, fine. He can go fuck himself.

I fell into an uneasy sleep, not waking up until the day was half over.

"Hey, you in there?" I heard someone ask as they pounded at my door. I couldn't recognize the voice, but since I knew it wasn't Axel, I opened it.

"Huh?" I asked, still clearly tired. It was that blonde boy with the half Mohawk, half mullet.

"Look, I'm Axel's neighbor, and I heard yelling and pounding last night. I haven't seen him all day and he wont answer my texts. What happened?" He asked and I rolled my eyes. I didn't owe this guy and explanation when I was still waiting for one from Axel.

"I don't know." I shrugged and he narrowed his eyes on mine in an intimidating way.

"Look, blondie, I'm just trying to make sure Axel's ok. I know he likes you, so I thought maybe you could help. I'm scared." The blonde breathed heavily and I gulped. He always seemed so friendly and smiley on our floor, but he was acting like a different person.

"My name is Roxas, and I'm trying to get a hold of him too." I said, scared of pissing him off, angry that he called me blondie, and a bit unsure of how I felt that I actually wanted to talk to Axel.

"I'm Demyx. Look, if you find him, tell him I'm worried, ok?" Demyx said, appearing much more friendly and even concerned. I nodded.

"Ok."

"Thanks. And look about me being worried, I just, I care about him, ok? I won't get between you to two, so don't worry, alright?" He asked with this weird look in his eye as if he were asking if I understood.

"I get it." I said, trying to keep him from confusing him or myself further.

"Alright, well, I'll see you around." He turned around and went into his dorm and I wondered where Axel could be if he wasn't in his room or answering his phone.

Once I closed my door, I went right to the wall and put my ear against it, trying to find out if I could hear anything that would prove that he's hiding in there. Nothing. Complete silence.

For the rest of the weekend, his door never opened or closed.

I wondered if he went back to his home in the middle of the first night, after he yelled at me to go away, and I hoped that he was coming back soon. But when I realized how I was actually missing him, I got mad at myself. I was angry at him, so why would I miss him? But then again, I still needed to apologize to him. Fuck, I just keep making this harder for myself.

That Sunday night, I went out and bought a six-pack of beer, illegally since I'm under age, and snuck it into my dorm, hoping to get completely wasted. Now that I was alone and already sad as could be, I figured I had nothing to lose by getting drunk. And like always, I was wrong.

Once I was completely intoxicated and hammered beyond control, I got a knock at my door. It was none other than my Axel.

"Hey," Axel said, looking down like he was sad, but since I was drunk, I wasn't.

"Hey, I missed you." I put my arms around him but he pushed me away gently.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." He said and I waved him off.

"Don't be. You wana come in?" I pointed behind myself and he entered my room.

"Did you drink all these?" He pointed to all the empty beer cans lying around as I nodded with a sly smile. "Look, I don't want to go through all that drama again from the last time you got drunk."

"But, I really did miss you." I batted my eyelashes at him and he sighed.

"Roxas, I love you too much to let you hurt me again."

"But I wont hurt you!" I was getting angry and he stared at me emptily. "You hurt me cause you left me! I just want to go back to before all this drama. Can we do that? I want to so badly." I bit my lip.

"Prove it." He crossed his arms and I smiled devilishly as I, in my drunken state, took of my shirt, walked up to him, and stuck my hands up against his torso.

"Mmmm," He moaned with closed lips as I teased his nipples with my fingers, kissing his chest with my lazy lips.

"Does that feel good?" I asked as I slurped my saliva up after I let it leave a trail down his tummy.

"Oh yeah." He sighed as he put a hand in his hair. I knew I had him.

"Then wait for this." I grinned as started biting his nipple, loving the soft pants and moans that escaped his barely open lips and the look of hunger through his heavy lidded eyes.

I put one hand on his ass and squeezed, about to unzip his pants when he pushed me away.

"Stop." He said, trying to collect himself as I stood there hard.

"I thought you wanted this?" I asked, twisting my legs as if I were doing the potty dance.

"I do, but not while you're drunk." He looked so sad.

"I promise I wont forget this time."

"That's beyond your control."

"Please, let me please you. Let me make it up to you for hurting you." I cupped the cheek that I slapped and stared deep into his eyes, which were beginning to water.

"I don't want you to forget." He said through baby sobs.

"I wont." I kissed his cheek. "Please?"

Axel shook his head. "It's not easy to refuse you, but it's harder to be hurt by you." Axel sighed disappointingly.

"Aki," I whined loudly.

"I just want to love you like I used to." Axel took my chin in his fingers as he kissed my temple.

"I want to go back in time." I sniffled again and he put his arms around my head.

"Me too Rox." He sighed and let go of me, making me feel so incredibly cold.

"Where are you going?" I asked when he started heading for the door.

"Back to my dorm." He said.

"Stay here." I said, sober enough to mean it.

"I cant." He opened the door.

"Why not?" I asked, wanting to run to stop him, but my drunken body knew well enough that I couldn't handle it.

"I don't want to hurt you again." Axel said, opening my door, then shutting it. In my attempt to forget my first failure of an attempt of intimacy with him, I drank the rest of the alcohol I had.

* * *

**Author's Note: Originally this chapter was written completely different, but I thought that some editing needed to be made. Anyway, here we see more ups, more downs, more about their past, and more curiosity about what made them part. I just wanted to say thank you for all of the support I've been getting from this story, it means a lot!**

Oh, **also**, in case anyone was wondering **how I came up with "Aki"** for the nickname, it's not just cause its short and somewhat similar to Axel. **In Japanese "AKI" means "AUTUMN"** and the** 2nd Kanji character for AUTUMN** means **FIRE,** so Aki means Fire pretty much :P which means Aki means Axel XD I love it! Just had to share the backstory lol.

To ChibiSeme97: Hahaha, yes, Roxas seems to be having inner conflictions with what his heart wants and with what the scars are leaving behind. Emotional scars, of course.

To Luckycat222: Haha, I never liked that book much but I actually don't really like in general, but I'm glad that you liked the chapter!

To Twilightimefan: Of course I shall continue this story until the very end! Thanks for reviewing!

To kindofabadger: You will find out what the present is when I figure it out myself hahaha. Oh, and Axel's exhaustion in the past will be explained as well =) Yeah, I mean, when you are heartbroken, you tend to over-react, so its natural I'm sure. Aww, thanks for your support, so kind of you!

To ReliveTheGreat: Thanks! Aki means Autumn, and the Chinese character for the second half means Fire =)

To LechugaMuchacha: Hahaha, I love tension in a story, so I'm glad that you like it and yet can't wait for Roxas to let Axel in already! Soon, in due time! Lol. Thanks for reviewing.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Uh, I found out that I really did fail my Japanese test but screw it, I'm going to start studying now so no point in crying over the past right? :P Oh wow, dude, no way! I haven't told ANYONE over fanfic yet, but I actually am going to join the Marine's after college, as an officer! I know, random for a writer, right? Haha. Anyway, congrats to you sis! Awww, I'm glad to hear that you like this story, and trust me there will be more backstory, and everything will be explained. Thanks for reviewing!

To AliceofHoenn: Lol, I'm in Japan, so there are many Japanese classes haha. My high school only had Spanish and French, so I took German my 1st two years of college! Sehr Spass. Aww, thank you! I appreciate the feedback! Bye ^_^

To ZeltaFrost: Lol, thanks, I loved that line as well, glad to hear you enjoyed it too. I know, I want to hug both so badly lol. Oh wow, well I hope things go smoothly at your school, sorry to hear about that.

To Purple Rin Ninja: Awww, yay, great timing! I hope you had an awesome birthday! Haha, I agree, I should have Axel waiting in Roxas' bed like, "about time, eh?" haha. Awww, I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it this much! Always a pleasure! Thank you so much for your amazing review, and I truly wish you the best for your birthday, sorry it's late .

To Fanfic-over-published: I know, such a sad past, poor Roxy. Axel was there for him when he needed it, but things changed and it affected Roxas deeply. Thank you so much for reviewing!

To Xiola-Nobody: I can guarantee that I've never read a story like this, but if there is a similar story out there, well I guess there are only so many things to write about lol. I actually don't read fanfic for that reason. I don't want people to think I copy other people's work -_- it'd be an insult to me and the person I'd 'copy', so yeah, that, and I never have time to read, I'm too busy writing XD Thanks for reviewing!

To Genesisluv98: Haha, glad to know you aren't giving up! Thank you! Hope you enjoy everything you read ^_^

To Ash Kh158: Aww, thank you so much for such a sweet review! Means a lot to me!

To AquaStone4: Thank you, you are too kind. I shall continue to write and post, so please continue to review, I appreciate every single comment =)

**Thank you everyone for reviewing and reading!**

**Love, Sarabellum**


	7. Shitty Apologies

"What the?" I asked, my eyes blinking slowly with my huge hangover. I remembered having too much to drink after Axel left me room, refusing to be intimate with me. I couldn't remember much else when I heard a voice.

"Scoot over."

"Kay." I did as was told before I realized that Axel was in my bed. "Where the fuck did you come from?!" I asked, completely confused to the blurry events of the night.

"My mom and dad, now shut it; I'm tired." Axel rolled over but I slugged him in the shoulder.

"Get out of my bed!" I said, getting out myself and standing, hands on hips, till I realized that there was nothing on my hips or on my body at all. "Where are my clothes?!" I asked, mainly to myself as I covered my dick with my hands.

Axel rolled over with a sigh.

"You've got to be kidding me." He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Where are my clothes? Why are you in my bed?" I shook nervously, cold, embarrassed, exposed.

"Did you really forget again?" He looked dead into my eyes and I shivered with a chill running down my spine, not sure if it was because I went from the warmth of my bed and his body to the open cold air, or if it was because of his icy glare.

"Forget what?" I asked quietly, almost scared to see his reaction.

"Dammit Roxas! You promised!"

"Promised what?"

"You know what? Fuck you! Fuck you!" He yelled angrily, getting out of my bed, naked, naked and beautiful as he got dressed.

"Why are you mad at me when I'm the one who's trying to figure shit out!"

"You shouldn't have to figure anything out. You seduced me last night, but I didn't want this to happen so I left, but then you banged on my door super loudly crying about how you wanted me to fuck you, but I told you we had to wait until you slept off the alcohol, but I made you promised not to forget and you did, then you fell asleep and apparently now you don't remember shit." Axel stood over me and I gulped as I tried to take in what had happened.

"You mean, you, I, I asked you to have sex with me?" I asked timidly and he rolled his eyes.

"Fuck off jackass." He turned around and left my room as I chased after him, not even realizing that I was still naked.

"Axe wait!" I was thankful that no one was in the hall and I managed to squeeze into his dorm before his door shut.

"Get out of my room." He said sternly but I tugged on his hand.

"I'm sorry." I cried and he pulled his hand free.

"I'm tired of hearing your shitty apologies."

"Please, I'm so torn." I don't know why, but at that instant, as I stood naked, in his room, knowing that he was mad at me, I broke down. I fell apart all because I didn't know if I loved him more than I hated him or if I hated him more than I loved him.

"Torn over what?" he asked calmly and I fell to my knees, holding onto his one of his hands.

"I don't know how I feel, and it hurts." I used one hand to clench near my chest as I imitated the way my heart felt, so complicated and unsure, but mainly painful.

"What do you mean?" he asked, kneeling in front of me, taking my hands and squeezing feeling back into them.

"I don't know if I love you for having been there for me, or if I hate you for leaving me." I cried, ashamed to have to confess to him, but he didn't get mad. He sighed as if he were tired, then he put his arms around me.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to think about it then." He said, rubbing my back, making me feel like I really could love him and his gentle touch.

"I want to love you, but I'm so angry at you." I hit him in the chest to show my frustration, but I felt him nodding as he continued to massage my back.

"I know, and I'm really sorry. I wish I could tell you."

"Why can't you?" I cried.

"I just cant." He said simply.

"I just want to know that you didn't forget about me." I sobbed and he squeezed me tightly. Talk about irony, considering all the times I had forgotten what we had or hadn't done in the past week.

"I could never think about forgetting you." He stroked my hair as I sniffled into his chest. "Calm down Roxy, it's ok. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know I shouldn't expect you to remember promises you make while intoxicated, but I just want to believe you so damn badly. I'm just, I love you so much, I don't want you to forget me." He kissed my temple and I hated how pathetic I felt. I wanted to be that strong independent person that never relies on anyone for help, but I couldn't. There I was, on my knees, in his embrace, needing his touch, his voice, his love.

"I don't want to forget anymore." I sniffled and again I could feel him nod.

"Then why don't we try again, sober this time?" He perked my face up with his hand and I nodded through my tears. "Shh, no more crying." He kissed each tear drop away and I held onto his arms, loving how strong they were without being bulky.

"I'm sorry." I said, not really know why I was apologizing, but feeling like I should.

"It's ok Roxas. Just, just don't lie to me or forget, ok?" he asked, never before looking as vulnerable as he did when he asked.

"I won't." I offered a small smile and he smiled in return.

"Come on, let's hug it out." He said with a chuckle before he squeezed me, providing warmth to my bare skin. I held onto him too as I tried to memorize the feeling of his embrace.

"I'm going out with some friends tonight, to karaoke. You want to come?" he asked and I nodded.

"It, it sounds like fun." I almost smiled. I wanted so badly to be a part of his life. I wanted him to hold me. The more I thought about those dreams, about those flashbacks, the more I craved him. I wanted his attention, I wanted his love. I was still too scared to return it just yet, but I wanted to try.

"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be great. So far it's just Demyx and his boyfriend, and us, but it's better in smaller groups anyway." Axel shrugged.

"I've never been." I bit my lip.

"I'm sure you have a beautiful singing voice." Axel winked at me, causing me to blush. It was awkwardly quiet before he coughed. "Ahem, as sexy as you are, you might want to think about putting some clothes on before we leave." Axel smirked before I rushed my hands to my parts.

"Shit!"

"Haha, just so you know, I haven't directly touched it with my hands."

"Your hands?" I asked.

"My thigh might have rubbed up against it in our sleep." Axel helped me to my feet and rubbed my hips with his heated palms.

"Axe, don't!" I begged.

"Why not?" Axel asked curiously.

"Cause," I whimpered, twitching as I tried to fight back the pleasure I was all too easily receiving.

"Are you serious?" Axel looked downward and when I realized that I was starting to go erect, I turned around. "Wait! Where are you going?" He grabbed my hand.

"I, it's, I'm so embarrassed." My eyes swelled up as I whispered.

"Of what?" he asked, almost chuckling, as if my claim where preposterous.

"Being so hard so easily." I glanced at my toes, wanting to disappear.

"Rox, that just means that I make you feel good. If you're ashamed of that, well, then, I don't even know what to say. Honestly, it makes me feel proud, that I can stimulate you." He smiled so sweetly, I nearly forgot we were discussing such a dirty topic.

"Really?" I kept a hand over my junk as I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah." Axel smiled before he took two steps closer to me. "I love you Roxy." He kissed my lips as he held my waist.

"I missed you." I held my arms around his neck.

"I missed you too." Axel accepted my bull shit way of avoiding those three words of love.

"I should get dressed." I took a step back and covered myself.

"I'll get you when we're about to leave, ok?" he asked and I nodded, scurrying out of his room but not before he slapped my ass.

"Ow!" I hissed, turning around sharply.

"Sorry, too cute." He said with way too much enthusiasm as I rolled my eyes.

* * *

"Blondie! Oy, blondie!" Axel knocked loudly on my door thirty minutes after I had left his room.

"Hey," I opened my door in my faded blue jeans and blue hoodie. Axel was wearing grey skinny jeans and a black jacket over a black T shirt, very simple, yet somehow way more attractive than one would guess.

"You ready?" He asked, waving behind him to show that Demyx and his boyfriend, Zexion, were waiting in the hallway of our floor.

"Yeah," I turned off my lights and joined them to Axel's car.

"I'm Zexion," the boy with a dark green T shirt and black cargo pants introduced himself.

"And you remember me, Demyx!" The blonde with the sky blue T shirt under a white button up shirt pointed to himself. He was wearing baggy jeans, but he completely pulled off the cute lazy boy look.

"Yeah, I'm Roxas." I smiled politely.

"Do you like karaoke?" Demyx asked and I shrugged.

"I've never been."

"Really?" he seemed shocked. "I love music!" He cheered in the front seat as Axel drove us.

"So how long have you two been dating?" I asked Zexion while Axel and Demyx chatted away.

"About nine months, huh Demy?" Zexion said loudly to get his boyfriends attention.

"Huh? Yeah sure," Demyx waved without turning around before he continued his conversation with the driver. Zexion and I chuckled to ourselves before we talked about classes.

After another fifteen minutes, we were going into our private karaoke room where we had access to unlimited drinks for an all nighter.

"This is going to be SO much fun!" Demyx took one of the two microphones and started selecting a song.

"I don't think I'll be able to stay awake the whole night." Zexion stretched before he got comfortable sitting next to his boyfriend. The room was small but had a table between two couch-like benches with a TV on the main wall.

"Yeah, I usually don't stay up too late." I sat next to Axel, wanting to get cozy, but yet, still frightened for a reason I couldn't really explain.

"Well let's just see how long we can last." Axel took the other microphone.

We ordered our first round of drinks and I knew that if I wanted a successful time with Axel, I needed to have enough alcohol to have guts, yet not half as much as I recently drank, where I forget everything that happens. I got a beer while Axel got a gin tonic, and Demyx and Zexion each shared different types of cocktail drinks.

I watched as Demyx and Axel sang a few songs, with Zexion joining in on a few, but was too shy to sing anything myself. They kept offering me the microphone but I refused politely for nearly a whole hour before Axel held the microphone stubbornly up to my mouth.

The thing is, they all thought I was refusing to sing because I was embarrassed and nervous that I'd suck. In reality, I actually have a pretty decent voice. I mean, I'm not like CD record level or anything, but when I had friends, they used to ask me to sing cause they liked my voice. It's not like I'm ashamed or anything, but I just didn't want them to get all awkward, or expect me to sing more than I was willing to. But after Axel's persistence, I opened my mouth and started singing these cute romance songs.

"Damn!" Demyx's eyes went wide. He had a really nice singing voice too, but he went silent once my voice became audible on the speakers within our room.

"Holy shit Roxy!" Axel smiled at me as I continued to sing. Once I hit the last chorus, I took the microphone on my own and Demyx joined in again.

"I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold, I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul," we continued our duet until the end, when Axel and Zexion clapped.

"You didn't tell us you could sing." Zexion said and I shrugged.

"It's not like I took lessons or anything."

"He's just naturally amazing." Axel smiled at me as I blushed.

"Thanks guys," I shrank back into my shy side as I passed the microphone back to Axel. We decided to go for our third round of drinks when Demyx looked at the menu.

"Hmmm, do you want another cocktail babe?" Demyx tapped his lip as he glanced at our options.

"No, something with vodka." Zexion scrolled through song options.

"Vodka?" Axel looked surprised.

"He likes it." Demyx shrugged. "What about you Axe?"

"Umm, give me something with whiskey." Axel smirked.

"It looks like piss." Demyx shivered in disgust.

"Is not." Axel rolled his eyes.

"What about you blondie" Demyx looked to me. "You want hard alcohol too?

"Nah, not a good idea; he doesn't handle his alcohol well." Axel patted my back.

"I'll just have another beer." I decided that it was better to play it safe by ordering something lighter than what the others were drinking.

"What are you getting Dem?" Axel asked, and Demyx told us it was a surprise before he went to give and receive our orders. When he returned he had a large tray with a ton of glasses.

"Dude, there are ten glasses on this tray, and three of us." Axel looked at his friend with a suspicious look.

"Whiskey for Axel, vodka for Zexy, beer for Roxas, and seven glasses of gin for me." Demyx clapped.

"Dude, not the best idea," Axel warned in concern but that didn't stop the blonde as he chugged every glass, twitching between breaks from the no doubt harsh dry burn in his throat.

"Demy, stop," Zexion tugged on Demyx's arm after the fifth 'shot' of a decent sized glass.

"Ok ok," Demyx took a deep breath, his body slightly swaying.

We continued to sing away for another hour as Demyx slowly downed his last two cups, Zexion ordered a couple more cocktails, and I actually shared some beer with Axel.

"This is fun." Zexion smiled at me since he and I started to do most of the singing since Demyx hit a brick wall and took a thirty minute nap. When he woke up, he started taking sips of the unfinished cocktail drinks on the table.

"He's going to puke before the night is over." Axel laughed at the clumsy blonde.

"Nu-uh! I'm not even that drunk!" Demyx laughed hysterically while Zexion and I sang a duet.

"Dude, you look like your fucking wasted." Axel laughed along. Demyx shook his head before he slipped off of his bench and fell onto the floor, laughing at himself before he put a hand to his stomach.

"Uh-oh." Demyx stood up and ran out of the room.

"I'll go," Zexion rolled his eyes and chased the tall teen to the bathroom.

"They're crazy." Axel smiled at me as I smiled back.

"Thanks for inviting me." I wanted so badly to lean slightly forward and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Thanks for coming." Axel looked deep into my eyes.

"Axe?" I bit my lip.

"Yeah?" He looked down at my mouth, as if the word 'kiss' was on his tongue.

"I," I inhaled deep, my eyes slowly closing.

"Hm?" Axel leaned forward, his eyes looking from mine back down to my lips as I gulped. We were going to kiss. I could feel the magnetic pull drawing me towards him when Zexion opened the door, causing both of us to sit up perfectly straight.

"So stupid." The slate haired boy muttered.

"He ok?" Axel asked.

"Yeah, he's much better now that he puked several times." Zexion reached for his wallet.

"Everything ok?" Axel inquired.

"Yeah, I'm going to go to the convenience store around the corner to buy him a toothbrush and toothpaste. I'll be back." Zexion left before Demyx returned to our room, tripping over his feet, plopping lazily onto his couch, slipping to the floor, and laughing as Axel pulled him back up.

"Ok, maybe you should lie down." Axel situated his friend.

"No, I need to brush my teeth so I can make out with Zexion." Demyx was persistent to stay awake.

"Yuck, too much info dude." Axel shook his head with a smirk. "Why am I always the babysitter?" Axel sighed as he made sure that Demyx was alright. I continued to sing on my own with some occasional help from Axel, and it was nice to feel like I was actually able to be good at something. I'm kind of used to hiding behind other people's shadows, but to see how impressed Axel, and drunk Demyx, were from hearing me sing, it made me feel accomplished.

When Zexion returned, Demyx stumbled to the bathroom to clean his mouth, but as he was away, Zexion yawned.

"You ok?" I asked.

"I'm dead tired. I was really looking forward to having this date since I've been so busy with exams and reports for class, that I haven't had much time with Demyx. I've been so exhausted from all the schoolwork, and now the all nighter and walking to go buy a fucking toothbrush." Zexion let out a deep sigh as he closed his eyes. "I think I'm going to lie down until Demyx gets back." Zexion got cozy on his bench and within two minutes, he was snoring lightly.

"I'm back!" Demyx returned with his toothbrush and toothpaste in hand.

"Good timing, your boy is out cold." Axel chuckled.

"Are you serious?" Demyx looked a bit disappointed.

"How are you feeling?" Axel asked Demyx.

"Much better. I puked again." Demyx nodded with a sincere smile.

"You're such an idiot." Axel chuckled with a shake of his head.

"Not one of my better ideas." Demyx admitted with a shrug.

"No shit." Axel selected a new song. "Next time, it's my turn to get wasted and you have to baby sit me."

"Haha, oh alright fine." Demyx gave a sarcastic eye roll.

"Sometimes I hate being the one in college with a car. Stupid designated driver." Axel scoffed before he began singing.

"Night Zexy." Demyx let his sleeping boyfriend use his lap as a pillow before we decided to drink water and soda for the rest of the long night.

While Axel and Demyx were singing a rock song, I decided to fake a tired yawn, stretch my arms, and lean against Axel's chest. The redhead put his arms around me, pulled me into his lap, and offered to share the microphone with me. We remained like that for a while as I grew sleepy from the all nighter. After just a few more hours, Zexion woke up.

"Hey guys." He sat up, his eyes barely open, his hair a mess.

"Morning baby." Demyx rubbed Zexion's arm.

"How long was I asleep for?" Zexion looked around the room.

"About three hours." Axel checked his watch.

"Damn, I'm tired." Zexion yawned.

"Well it's time to go anyway." Axel patted my hip, so I stood up.

"Oh, did you use the toothbrush?" Zexion asked Demyx, who nodded.

"Sorry I fell asleep." Zexion winced.

"It's ok sweetie, I'm glad you got your rest." Demyx kissed his boyfriends cheek.

"But, I've been so busy, and this was supposed to be our date. I'm sorry I ruined it." Zexion looked so sad about having slept through a good chunk of the night.

"It's alright Zexy, we can nap when we get to my dorm." Demyx took Zexion's hand as we left.

The drive back to campus was quiet, all the way up until we walked down our hall.

"Well guys, it was fun." Demyx waved as he and Zexion went into his room.

"See ya!" Axel waved too before he and I stood right outside our doors.

"So," I looked away.

"I had a good time." Axel said.

"Me too." I nodded.

"Are you going to go to bed now?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"Yeah, probably."

"If you want, you uh, you can," Axel rubbed the back of his neck.

"I can…?" I waited for him to finish.

"You can stay the night in my room." He offered.

"Don't you mean the day?" I chuckled.

"Oh yeah, day, hah," Axel looked nervous, so I nodded to help him out.

"Ok, thanks." I said quietly.

"Really?" he asked and I nodded again. "Ok, come on," he took my hand and we walked into his room together. He cleared his bed of his sweater and backpack before we crawled into the blankets, still in our clothes, but way too tired to give a damn.

"Night." I inhaled deeply before I felt his arms slip around my waist.

"Goodnight Roxy." He held me as my exhausted body fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Ok, so **this chapter took me a while to write because it's actually based on something I experienced** not too long ago. I went out to karaoke with three friends, none of us are dating each other though. So anyway, you're probably wondering **which character I was in the karaoke scene**, right? **Can you guess****?** Was I Roxas: the one who didn't want to sing, but am actually pretty good, happy to be reminded that there is something I'm good out. Was I Axel, the one laughing at friends who got wasted since I have to be the mature responsible one, but still had fun while drinking whiskey, getting made fun of cause it looks 'like piss'? Was I Demyx, the idiot who chugged too much gin and needed a toothbrush but then was disappointed to see someone I like fall asleep which means no kiss? Or was I Zexion, the one who had to buy the toothbrush but fell asleep due to exhaustion from trying to stay up all night since I've been so busy with exams?

**I'm curious to hear your guesses! I'll post the answer at the end of the next chapter! If enough people guess (even if incorrectly) I'll write an Akuroku one shot for Halloween. If a lot of people guess correctly, I'll write a Soriku one shot in addition! Have at it! Lol**

So this chapter didn't have too much for plot…but it does help set things up for the next chapter, plus it is based off of what I experienced which makes it realistic, and who doesn't love Demyx and Zexion? lol

To ReliveTheGreat: Ahh, you will find out soon….ish lol. Thanks for reviewing!

To Kindofabadger: Yes, more Demy in this chapter, and I love him so uber much, glad you do too!

To ChibiSeme97: Love is painful, it's really hard sometimes, but that's why I love fanfiction, it gives me hope hehe. Thanks for the review!

To twilighttimefan: Thanks! I wanted a story with more than just 2 characters, so I added Demyx and Zexion in for fun hehe

To ZeltaFrost: I love Roxas too, not as much as Sora in the games, but I do relate to him more easily in fanfiction, although for cosplaying I prefer Sora. Actually all my friends call me Sora, half think its actually my real name O.o hehe. Yes, fireman Axel is adorable!

To AliceofHoenn: Yes, childhood sweetheart is a perfect way to put it! I love it lol. Yes, I'm in japan, and it's pretty cool although its so different from what I'm used to that it's a bit of a challenge. Awww, thank you! No need to apologize, I consider myself a geek especially for Kingdom hearts! Thanks for the bows *bows back* hehe.

To Cirxe145: No, nothing seemed random! Awww, I hope you feel better. Sadly I'm late on updating so by now I'm really hoping you feel much MUCH better, but yeah, maybe Akuroku can be some medicine for ya! Lol

To FormidableRain: I don't mind pushy suggesting, although I've always been the type to do what I want regardless of opinions, but I read and take in every review, so thank you. I got a lot of positive feedback with the flashbacks, so I don't think it's really a matter of "too much" or "not enough" but a matter of entertainment and being able to understand what happened, which explains what currently is. Hopefully you didn't mind that this chapter wasn't too "plot developing" but every scene happens for a reason ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

To Purple Rin Ninja: Hahaha, I love the smell of yaoi in the air! Awww, I'm sorry I made you wait so long for an update! And you are welcome for the late bday wish!

To XMoymoy: Awww, you are really too kind! I couldn't stop blushing when I read your review, it really was such a great encouragement, thank you a million billion times! Hahaha, I love writing drunk characters, although it doesn't complicate the plot so it's a bit tricky, but I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Awww, I'm honored to hear that you think my story is worthy of such a review as the one you wrote, and you'll find out about Axel's reasons soon! Thanks again for such a wonderfully kind review!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Funny how you said the backstory was short when I got another review that it was 'useless'…..people are so hard to please sometimes lol. Personally I thought it was short too though, so I'm glad you agree hahaha. Congrats on the B's! I got an A on my Japanese speech and I find out in a few days how I did on my recent exam, super scared! Yeah my dad was a marine and I grew up training for the military way, so even though I know I'm not ready, I still feel somewhat prepared. Thanks, it'll still be a little way off in the future, so until then, I shall continue writing! Thanks for reviewing ^_^

To Paige: Thank you for the feedback!

To SKITTLESONTHEGRASS: Nice name, I love skittles lol. And thank you for your review!

**Don't forget to 'vote' on which character from karaoke you think is based off of me! I'll try to update the next chapter within the week!**

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	8. Cant Ever Work

I woke up with arms wrapped loosely around my sides, keeping me warm as I smiled. I carefully turned around so as not to wake him as I admired the beauty of his sleeping face. I couldn't stop staring at how peaceful he looked, breathing through his nose while his chest slowly expanded to a steady rhythm. I couldn't explain it, but somehow watching him sleep softened my heart to the possibility of being with him, of actually letting him call me his.

That was the question that was stuck in my head. Do I love Axel, or do I want to love Axel? Sometimes, I feel like I want to love him, so I let him show his feelings for me, but I still don't know if my feelings for him are real. Maybe, maybe I'm just still waiting for a sign that will prove everything real or not? I didn't have time to continue my mental debate as Axel stirred.

"Morning," He smiled so sweetly at me that I wanted to make it last.

"Morning." I smiled back.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked curiously as he stretched, still lying down.

"Warm, and cozy." I whispered.

"Yeah? Good." He rolled on his side and ran his hand up and down mine.

"Thank you, for letting me stay the night." I said politely.

"You're welcome; any time." Axel kissed my nose, making me giggle. "Well that was cute." Axel chuckled.

"Axel?" I bit my lip.

"What is it?" Axel asked seriously, seeing the concern on my face.

"I, I want to try." I said with a nervous gulp.

"Try? Try what?" Axel asked curiously.

"I like seeing you smile, and I like it when you make me happy. Maybe, maybe we can try." I suggested.

"You, you mean it?" Axel looked excited as I nodded.

"I want to be comforted the way you used to when we were kids. I miss the way you'd hold me, and kiss me." I confessed.

"Come here," Axel pulled my hips to his and after we each smiled, we kissed.

Our hands somehow traveled faster than my mind and before I knew it, I could feel my boxers being pulled down.

"You ok?" Axel checked up on me before I nodded. The sexy redhead shed his shirt and then helped me with mine next.

"Looks like I better catch up." He stared at my naked body and began striping his underwear, revealing his lithe, long, beautiful body. "You ready?" he asked and I nodded in intimidation.

"I'm nervous." I coughed awkwardly.

"Me too. I, I'm glad I'm losing my virginity to you." Axel smiled to me as I looked away. I wish I could have told him the same.

"Who was your first?" He asked, trying to sound more curious than hurt, but it didn't work that he saw right through me.

"My ex." I blushed

"Wait, not the one who came here and started yelling at you?" Axel looked concerned. In my shame, I nodded. I could tell that he didn't know what to say, so he shrugged.

"He, he didn't rape you, did he?" Axel looked too deeply into my eyes, so I looked elsewhere.

"No," I didn't think it was any of his business anyway.

"Was he good?" Axel asked and I turned red.

"Arent you NOT supposed to ask about ex's?" I was starting to get bothered.

"Ok, sorry." Axel rubbed the back of his next.  
"It's fine." I waved it all off.

"Well, what position do you want to be in, since you're more experienced?"

I sighed, not wanting him to make it sound like I was a whore, but I wasn't willing to make him angry again. "As long as you're in me, I don't care." I tried to look as irresistible as I could and he bought it with a smile.

"I love you."

"I," I didn't know what to say. Did I love him? I still wasn't sure. I don't think I hate him anymore, but not hating and loving are two completely different things.

"It's ok, I'll have you speechless soon enough." Axel shrugged it off and I nodded. "We should try something different." He put a hand on his chin, thinking, saying it as if we had had sex plenty of times.

"Like?" I asked, not sure where this was going.

"You're flexible, right?"

I looked at my own body. "Sure."

"Good. If it hurts or feels too weird, we can stop, but I've been dreaming about doing this position with you for a while." He confessed, and to my surprise, hearing that made me smile.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked and he moved his mattress to the tiny floor space left in his cramped dorm.

"Lie on your back, but lift it up so that your ass is in the air and your lower back is against the bed, not the mattress." He instructed and I got into said position. My neck and head were on the mattress and everything else was extended up in the air as he stood over me, allowing me to see his gorgeous backside. "Hold your ankles." He said and I lifted them over my head and held onto them as he kept one leg on each side of my body. It was really awkward but he seemed to be enjoying it, which was the only thing that kept me from curling up into a ball. "You ready?" he asked and I nodded.

"You're going to go in like this?" I asked, not sure how this position would work.

"Yeah, watch." He squatted and lowered himself inside me slowly, waiting for me to get used to his presence.

"Ok, go ahead." I said, once my body adapted to his thick dick.

"Yeah, oh yeah, oh fuck yea." He moaned as he started grinding back and forth. I let my ankles rest on his ass as I moved my hands to grab his ankles by my sides. I had never been fucked upside down like this, but I could feel every inch of him.

"Ah, ah, oh hah, mmm, hah." I couldn't control my moans as I felt his warm cock slip around inside me.

"You like that baby?" he asked as he pushed his hips forward and back, his balls grinding against my skin as I mewled and whimpered loudly, not even caring who heard.

"Oh god yeah." I could feel my cock turn to stone.

"You want more?" he asked sexily and I whined, basically saying yes.

"Give me more Axe." He pounded harder in and out of me, letting his ass sit on mine as he moved his hips around in a circle, making me leak precum as I couldn't even keep my eyes open.

"Fuck, fuck, I have to," I couldn't even finish as I came onto my chest just before he came inside of me. "Oh god!" I screamed, feeling his warm liquid fill me up. He panted loudly as he stood up and pulled out, helping my legs fall to the side as he fell next to me, halfway on the mattress, the other half of his tall body on the floor.

"That was so hot." Axel gasped and I could only nod.

"More." I said, not sure where this desperate side of me was coming from, but I didn't care anymore. I had gone so long without any kind of love or affection, and now that I could get it, I wasn't going to let the opportunity slip me by.

He chuckled. "Get on all fours." I did so without hesitation, loving how he immediately went inside and gave it to me roughly. I moaned loudly, up until we heard a knock at his door.

"Hello in there!" It was Demyx, and Axel chuckled as he stood, and to my shock and embarrassment, he opened the door.

"Woops!" Axel giggled, covering himself with a shirt as he peered over a partly open door.

"Look, I know you love him, but at least put on some music so I don't have to hear it." Demyx blushed as I hid where the open door couldn't reveal me.

"You're the musician Dem." Axel laughed and Demyx chuckled.

"Whatever. Just, stop making me so hard. My boyfriend is at home till tomorrow."

"I'm sure if you sexted him, Zexion would appreciate it." Axel snickered and Demyx cussed him out jokingly.

"Now where were we?" Axel asked when his door shut and I blushed.

"Can we cuddle?" I asked, feeling a bit pathetic, but I couldn't help it. Axel smiled with a small laugh.

"Of course we can." He picked me up like a baby and put me on his bed as he crawled in next to me. He smashed me between the wall and his body as I enjoyed the firm pressure and warmth that created. After we made out, I started to feel sleepy. Without asking if I was welcomed to stay the night, I turned my back to him and snuggled myself against his back.

"Goodnight Axe." I closed my eyes as I felt his arms loop around me.

"Goodnight my love."

I wanted to fall asleep but the realization that I had just had sex with Axel was buzzing frantically inside my head. It was a moment like that when you text your best buddy, trying to swallow down the information and let it settle so you can accept it all. Only, I don't have a best buddy. Hell I don't have anyone, except for Axel.

At that instant, I put my hands over his as they rested on my tummy, trying to feel warm. With closed eyes, I tried to picture myself back in my room when Axel used to hold me, with my toys scattered messily on the floor and a stack of books right by my bed so that Axel could read to me my bedtime stories. Those were the days. The days when I didn't live for anything but the innocent smile of the pure hearted redhead boy who lived next door.

Somehow, just by thinking about it all, I got sad again. I missed him so much when he left, and here I am over ten years later, in his arms, after having just made love, yet I can't even tell him that I love him. Maybe, maybe I'm just scared? Cause if I tell him I love him, then the memories of having lost him only hurt all the more.

* * *

I woke up the next morning completely aware of what I had done and where I was and why, and as sad as it sounds, that made me proud.

"Morning cutie." Axel smashed a rough peck on my forehead.

"Morning." I kissed his neck as I wrapped my arms around it.

"You've been asleep for a while."

"Well I'm tired." I yawned.

Axel chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that's my fault for giving it to you hard."

"Mhm, but I liked it." I said, biting his neck tenderly, not sure where this side of me was coming from, but if it kept me from being alone and miserable, I didn't care.

"I love you Roxas. I always have and always will." He squeezed me, but I began to get sad again.

"If you've always loved me like you say you do, tell me why you left me."

"Roxas, for the last time, I cant, I,"

"I want answers." I sat up, aware that I was possibly throwing away the only shot at love I'd ever get.

He sat up too, with a sigh. "Can we please stop talking about this?"

I rolled my eyes as I kicked off the blankets in an attempt to get out of bed.

"Wait, Roxas!" Axel called after me as I stood up.

"If you want me to stay, you need to start answering my questions." I crossed my arms, serious.

"I cant ok?" He seemed just as frustrated as I was.

"Why not?"

"I don't know!"

"You don't know why you cant tell me?" I asked back, not sure what he was even trying to say.

"I, I just want to pick up where we left off. Is that ok?" He was trying to dodge my question, but I wouldn't let him.

"I just want to know what happened." I folded my arms before I sighed, rolled my eyes, and began dressing as he sat there, unsure of what to say.

"Roxas, stop!" He yanked my wrist back towards him but I tugged it free.

"Let me go!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He let go of me so he could cover his eyes with his hands, which made me feel really guilty.

"What?" I asked, a bit hurt, but more curious.

"How could you be so cruel?" His shoulders started bouncing, and when I realized that he was crying, I had this huge yearning to just hold him.

"I'm….cruel?" I felt like I wasn't even there; like I was just witnessing an event that I caused, but like I couldn't respond or move.

"Why would you let me make love to you and then act like it never happened? How could you be so seductive and then twist it to nothing more than a tease?" He turned his back towards me and I could feel my body going cold as I regretted starting this fight.

"I'm sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say.

"I don't want your apologies!" He turned to face me and he looked pissed.

"Well then what do you want?" I was getting angry too.

"Your love." He said calmly, almost with a smile and I gulped over my guilt.

"I just want to know why you left me." I tried to remain calm and civil.

"I need you to trust me Rox. I'd tell you if I could."

"I can't trust." I admitted, sad to admit that I lost that ability when I watched my parents abandon me to treat Sora better.

"Then we cant ever work." He said, as if he were just then giving me the decision to make.

"I'm sorry." I said, turning around, heading for the door. To my surprise, he didn't even try to stop me.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sad to say a lemon led to this, and **originally THIS is where the story ended**. Shocker, I know, I usually never write such sad ending. I said 'originally', but at the moment I'm not sure if I will continue this story or not. Right now I'm super busy with other stories and I am still getting requests so all of that mixed with college just isn't very relaxing. On the bright side, I bought some yaoi manga today, although its all in Japanese, so it'll probably sit on my desk for a few more months before I'll be able to understand it. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this story and continue to check out my other stuff! I have some new soriku's and akuroku's on the way!

As for the **Karaoke scene,**Thank you to everyone who voted! And the answer is: I was...(wait for it...drum-roll...) **EVERYONE!** I started off as **Axel,** being the babysitter (I had hockey practice and showed up 2 hours late, so all of my friends were wasted by the time i got there). I took care of one of them as he puked, wishing i could have a fun night (since i had NEVER been drunk before). I decided that since they were wasted, i should try to catch up, so i then turned into **Demyx **(i had just as much as i wrote in the story that Demyx had), and then i turned into **Roxas **(i'm not good at singing but i can surprisingly rap which really impressed my Asian friends lol). But then the consequences of being Demyx came up (i puked) and so i went to go buy a toothbrush because the guy i liked suggested i should so we could kiss (dont like him anymore, this is old lol). SO i was **Zexion **as i went to go buy a toothbrush but then i turned back into **Demyx **cause when i finished brushing my teeth, my guy friend was dead asleep from having had too much to drink. SO you all win! hehe, thanks for voting!

Please check out my new story, **Akuroku (with hinted Soriku) Guardian Demon!**

To Guest: Demyx is a funny drunk, which are the best kinds of drunks if you ask me lol I did put up a halloween story, "Guardian Demon" hope you checked it out! As for your guess for Axel, good job! I was Axel for the first half of the night, before i turned into Demyx, before i turned into Zexion lol.

To Relive the Great: Yes, naked Roxy...sexy haha. I was both! Good guesses lol.

To SkittlesOntheGrass: Haha, yes! I was Demyx, and Axel and Zexion, but mainly Demyx, good job!

To xXLunaDivinerXx:hahaha, i was Axel, but then i turned into Demyx lol. so good job!

To Keyblade Master13: Hahaha, yes, you are right! You got everything right (the only one so congrats), although im not really that good at singing, but i can actually rap haha.

To AliceofHoenn: Oh dang, i'm sorry. I've never had anyone tell me that the Author's Note was the part that made someone cry before. Thank you for your review, and i hope that you feel better. Love yourself for who you are. True friends will love you for all the same reasons :)

To Twili Princess Hyrule Queen: Lol, i had a Zexion moment, but only after i was Demyx hahaa. Thank you for guessing, good job!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Lmao, thanks, i was a bit bothered but i mean, everyone has their own opinions, so one criticism wont kill me. Lol, well you have your lemon now, happy? hahaha. OMG i love Jesse McCartneys old stuff, so cute. Lol, both of your votes are right. I was Axel then Roxas then Demyx then Zexion...crazy night, but wouldnt ever plan on doing it again lmao. Well since i'll be going in with a degree, i want to be a Linguistics/Intel officer. Thank you for the review!

To kindofabadger: So close, and yet now they are so far. Yes, i was Zexion, and everyone, but Zexion is a good one!

To Purple Rin Ninja: Yes, Roxas learned his limits, but we see a step backwards in progress, so sad. Since i was a bit of everyone, Axel is a correct guess, good job! Awww, thank you. i wish i could put more time into my stories, but stupid college just loves keeping me busy. I really appreciate your review!

To ZeltaFrost: Glad you liked the karaoke scene! Yep, i was a zexion, and everyone, but still, good job hehe.

To Cirxe145: Yes, good job for voting Zexion! Well you got your action here, but it doesnt really last long with the sad ending, so i guess its not the same. I'm doing alright, thank you for asking! And thanks even more for reviewing.

To Moonlit Lover: Hahaha, thank you for your vote! I am almost ALWAYS Axel, so that one night, after being Axel for a few hours, i decided to show my Roxas, then i pulled a Demyx, then turned into Zexion. Not my smartest idea lol.

To Genesisluv98:So close! I mean, yes, i was Zexion, but you were on the right track when you guessed all of them hehehe. Thank you! Yes, i sometimes hate how attached i am to A Taste of Loneliness because it leaks into everything else i do lol. Thank you, i'm glad to hear that you liked it. Thanks for the review! Hope all is well.

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	9. Without A Safety Net

I couldn't dig myself out of the hole I buried myself in. For weeks, Axel wouldn't look at me, wouldn't say hi to me as I walked by; nothing. I felt like I should apologize, and I didn't know if its pride or fear, but something was keeping me from facing him. Perhaps it's shame. Either way, he hadn't thrown any kinds of parties and hadn't been seen for a while. Usually I can see or hear him daily, but it had been six days and I was wondering if he's really ok.

Of course, that was before I walked out of my door to shower to find that complicated redhead walking side by side with another redhead; a girl. She was short compared to him, and had these bright blue eyes and big smile, and for reasons I either don't know or don't want to admit, I had this anger in my heart.

Axel was smiling and even laughing and right when he made eye contact with me, she kissed his cheek. As much as I hated it, my jaw dropped, my face turned red, and I had to run to the showers to hide safely. It took every bit of strength not to turn around and see if he had even noticed that I had just started crying. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't care about him, cause it just hurt so badly. With the shower water burning my skin, I cried silently, telling myself to forget about him; to move on. I was the idiot that rejected him when we last spoke, but I only did that for his own good, and for mine too. It's too hard to fall back in love with your first love, because even when you don't want to love them, you cant help it. Dammit, does this mean that I'm admitting that I love him? Well, I guess that's beyond arguing now. Doesn't matter anymore; from now on, he's nothing but a distant memory and a neighbor.

I turned off the water, dried off, wrapped the towel around my waist, and carried my things back to my dorm at the very end of the hall in the corner. And of course, at the end of the hall facing the entire row of doors, is Axel's room. And just my luck, his door was wide open as he sat on his floor with that redhead girl sitting beside him…with her head on his shoulder.

I looked away as quickly as I could and fumbled with my keys in my nerves, unable to get it directly into the lock. After I sighed loudly and dropped my shit on the ground, I heard a voice behind me.

"Need help?" I turned to see that girl and I turned a bright red.

"Um, I got it." I said, bending over in my towel to pick up my stuff.

"I'm Kairi."

"Roxas."

"Roxas, I've heard about you, from Axel." Kairi crossed her arms and I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or bad, but I figured, given the circumstances, it was the later.

"Oh." I said, a bit stunned, but surprised when I got my key to open my door. "Well, nice meeting you." I hid quickly behind my door, shut it, and locked it with a sigh.

So, that's his girlfriend? She's pretty, and has a nice figure, but still. I guess, this is how it feels, to be…replaced? What am I talking about? We didn't date, it's not like I dumped him and he got her off his rebound. But then, why am I jealous? Jealous. Is that, this feeling? I'm mad at her, at Kairi, when I shouldn't be, and I'm sad. I think that's jealousy. And at the same time, I have a strong urge to cry, even though I just did. I put a hand to my eye, surprised to see that I was already crying. I sniffled, changed into my pajamas, and got into bed. I don't want to be this sad anymore. For weeks, I've been feeling this guilt, and even though I don't want to admit it, I miss him.

* * *

That night I dreamt about our childhood pasts, about a time when I got jealous of Axel. I remember being in my room and I looked out my window and I saw him walking home from his kindergarten with a blue haired boy. I was still a year too young to go, but as I watched Axel wave goodbye to his friend before going into his house, I couldn't help but growl.

He was mine, my Aki, no one else's.

When Axel came into my room that night, I was so hurt that I didn't even greet him as I remained on the floor, playing with my toy race cars.

"Hi Roxy." Axel sat down by me and pulled his favorite fireman truck out of his pocket. It was his lucky car that he always used to play with. I was still silent as I remained stubborn. "Are you ok?" he asked and I shook my head. "What's wrong?"

"You, you lied to me." I whispered.

"No I didn't," he said as if he were thinking back to everything he had ever told me.

"Uh huh! You told me I was your best friend." I sniffled.

"You are my best friend." He smiled, but I only shook my head.

"Then who's that boy you were with earlier?" I didn't want to look controlling, but hell I was five and jealous.

"What boy?"

"The one with the blue hair." I said.

"Hmm, oh, Saix!" Axel snapped as if he remembered, I looked at his hand before I tried to snap myself, but I failed. Axel only giggled.

"It's not funny!" I said like a grumpy child who skipped naptime.

"Shh, it's ok Roxy. Saix is a friend, but you're my best friend. That's why I came here tonight, and not his house." Axel smiled. It made sense, so I smiled back.

"Can you teach me how to do that, with your fingers?" I asked with a blush as Axel taught me how to snap.

"Roxy?" Axel asked about an hour later.

"Hm?" I was busy playing with my action figures as Axel stood up.

"I need to go home." Axel stood up, but I switched my attention from my toys to my best friend.

"No!" I begged.

"I have to." Axel frowned.

"But, but then I'll be all alone." I sniffled.

"I don't want to go." Axel said as if he didn't have a choice.

"Then don't." I pouted. "Please?" I begged. "I don't want to be alone, and you're my best friend."

Axel looked out my window before he sighed.

"If I don't go, I'll get in trouble." Axel whispered.

"Kay," I felt a tear go down my cheek.

"Roxy don't cry." Axel hugged me.

"I always hate when you go home. Especially when you don't spend the night with me. I like our sleep overs." I gulped.

"I like our sleep overs too." Axel kissed my nose. I smiled wide with a blush as I squeezed him tighter.

"Please don't go." I pleaded one last time.

Axel sighed before he nodded. "Ok, I'll stay." He gave me a weary smile before I clapped.

"Thank you!" I squeezed him even tighter as he laughed, chocking for air.

"Roxy!" he giggled, "I need to breath you know!"

"Hehe, sorry!" I kept my arms around him.

"Come on, it's your bedtime." Axel said, knowing me so well, he knew just how to take care of me.

"Ok." I didn't bother to argue since the promise of being held was too tempting to say no to. Of course when morning came, Axel was already gone, and I couldn't have been more sad, until that evening came and I realized that things could have gotten worse, cause they did. My mom went into my room and yelled at me for no good reason, and after her screaming ended, I was crying so hard that she told me to go away. I didn't want her to yell at me anymore so I went to my secret place, hoping that Axel would go there to cheer me up. I got part of my wish as I saw that Axel was already there when I was, only, he was crying too.

"Aki?" I sniffled, still getting out my tears as Axel sat on his knees with a hand on his face.

"Roxy?" he seemed surprised to see me, but not even in a good way. "Why are you crying?" he sniffled himself, but as always, he was more concerned with me.

"My mommy hates me." I started to get worked up again.

"Shh, it's ok Roxy." Axel held me against his chest as I calmed down. "It'll be ok." Axel tried to smile for me, but he looked hurt.

"Why are you sad?" I asked and he put a hand to his cheek, which looked swollen.

"It hurts," he said quietly.

"What happened?" I looked closer to see a bruise.

"I fell." He whispered.

"Here, a kiss will make it better." I smiled before I gently pecked his cheekbone.

"Thank you Roxy." Axel smiled.

"Does it feel better?" I wondered if my idea really worked.

"Mhm." He nodded, knowing that his lie would cheer me up.

"Good. I can give you another if it'll help more." I offered.

He thought for a little bit before he nodded. "Yes please."

I giggled before I kissed his bruise once more. We played outside for a little bit before we walked back towards our houses.

"Are you staying with me tonight?" I asked, noticing how he already started walking to his house.

"I can't." he said with a frown.

"But," I felt horrible for guilting him, but I couldn't control how sad his news made me.

"I'm sorry." He pouted.

"I can't sleep unless you hold me." My lower lip quivered.

"Roxy," Axel sounded conflicted. "Here, I'll tuck you in right now, but then I have to go." Axel said, and since I knew I had nothing to lose, I agreed.

He watched me climb into bed and tried to pull the blankets up, but I stopped him.

"Can you hold me? Just for five minutes." I held up four fingers before I quickly added my thumb.

Axel frowned before he nodded. "Ok. Five minutes Roxy." Axel climbed in.

I felt horrible, but I intentionally held onto him and pretended to fall asleep so he couldn't leave easily. He tried to squirm free but I wouldn't let him, and when he tried to peel my body away from his, I whimpered in a fake sleep. After a few minutes he gave up, and to my surprise, he fell asleep before I did. He was snoring, and even in the dark I could see his bruise getting worse. I wondered how sleepy he must have been, since crying always made me want to sleep. Instead, I fell asleep soon after, and when I woke up to see him in my arms, I smiled. I gave him a light squeeze, and when he woke up, he panicked.

"Hm?"he sat up quickly, rubbing his eyes.

"Morning." I sat up with crazy bed hair.

"Roxy!" Axel panicked with a giant frown. "I need to go." Axel rushed out of my bed.

"But," I followed him to my window.

"I need to go home." Axel looked so sad, and almost…scared.

"Kay." I looked down to my feet.

"I'll be back later, ok?" he gave me a quick smile and patted my head before he climbed out the window and went home. I sat on my floor, bored, sad, and lonely for about thirty minutes before I heard the worst sound imaginable to my five year old mind.

It was the sound of Axel screaming, shrieking, in pain. I stood up slowly and looked out my window at his house and after a minute, I saw his back gate open. I gulped before I saw him running into the forest, to our secret place. I dropped my toys and ran out my window, following after. When I got to the secret place, he was lying down on his tummy, his arms around his face.

"Aki?" I sat next to his side and rubbed his back as he cried. I cried nearly every time I saw him, and he had hardly ever cried, so it scared me.

"Are you ok?" I asked when he never responded to my presence.

He rolled to his side, his lips shaking as he sniffled.

"What happened?" I asked, feeling scared for the answer.

"I, I got spanked." Axel put his hand on his bottom.

"W-why?" I gulped nervously.

"Cause I was supposed to be home." Axel sobbed. I knew it was my fault, so I started crying.

"I'm sorry," my eyes silently leaked.

"It, it hurts." Axel fell back on his tummy. I lowered my face and kissed his pants, hoping to help however I could.

"Does it feel better?" I asked shyly. Axel slowly moved to his side again before he nodded. I gave a small smile in response. Axel sat up on his knees, occasionally coughing up a tear before he messily wiped his eyes.

"Are, are you ok?" he asked and I nodded. He was the one who got punished, but he was more worried about me.

"Do you have to go home?" I asked, not wanting to get him into any more trouble.

"No, we can go play in your room if you want." Axel offered with a smile. I nodded before we held hands, walking back slowly.

"How's your bottom feel?" I asked as we made it inside my room.

"Better." Axel clearly lied, since he took a long time to sit down awkwardly. I didn't question it so I smiled.

"Good." We played together that day, but when he told me he had to go home that night, I didn't argue. I hugged him goodbye and watched him leave. He didn't show up for the next two nights, but I waited with my window and heart open all the same.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I felt so depressed. I felt guilty for the flashback reminder of the trouble I got Axel into, and I felt so jealous of my past self. I used to be so possessive of Axel, and he always seemed to love it. And now, now we arent anything and we're both hurting. Is it really my fault? I wanted to change things, but when I opened my door to see Axel holding hands with Kairi, I shrunk back into my room. Of course, right when I'm ready to own up to my mistakes and take responsibility, Axel gets a girlfriend. That's just my luck. Through the little eye-hole in the door, I saw them hug tightly, then she kissed his cheek and he kissed hers back. I guess she's leaving back to wherever she's from. Good. I don't want to see her again. I don't want to be remembered of what I let get away.

I opened my door later that night to shower and when I saw Axel doing the same, I grunted to myself. Now I was mad at him, and even though I knew that it was just my immature jealous nature, I didn't care.

"Can you hand me a paper towel?" He asked as we washed our hands and I fell silent, since that was the first time he'd talked to me in a long time.

"Huh?" I asked, frozen.

"Paper towel?" Axel asked again and I handed it to him quickly. "Thanks." He said, happy; it must be because of Kairi. He probably got laid, that's why he's so unexplainably happy. She makes him feel good, when all I did was stress him out, whether we were five, or twenty.

"Is your girlfriend still here?" I asked, trying to make it seem like I didn't care, but I'm sure he saw right through me.

"Kairi?" Axel took a wild guess and I nodded. "She went home today. I miss her already."

"I'm sure you do; she's pretty." I added and he turned to face me.

"Watch it, she's my,"

"I know, she's your girlfriend, it's not like I want her anyway."

Axel looked at me funny, like he was confused, then he got serious as he asked, "Then who do you want?"

I could feel my own eyes widening. Shit. This wasn't good. For weeks all I've been able to think about is him and how much I wish we didn't have to fight so much, but I still wasn't ready to tell him anything.

"No one." I cleared my throat.

"Is that so?" He asked, like he was sad.

"What's it to you?" I asked, getting angry that he was teasing me. He has his girlfriend; he has someone to make him smile, but here I am, still without my parents approval and now without Axel's.

"Maybe I still want you." Axel looked away and I could feel this weird aching in my heart. It wasn't painful, like it usually had been of late, but it was more…anxious. Wanting. Yearning for his smile to be given as a result of something I said, or something I did. Yearning for his approval and care.

"You… you want me?" I asked, as if I could hardly understand the language he had been speaking.

"Of course I do. I told you, when we were kids, that I'd always want you." Axel returned his eyes to mine and then it was my turn to look away.

"But, you have a girlfriend." I said, reminding him of how hurt I was to see him taken, even though I knew I was to blame.

"Kairi?" He asked and I nodded. "She's not my girlfriend."

"She's not?"

"She's my baby sister." Axel laughed at me and I could sense my cheeks flushing into a dangerous red.

"Baby….sister?" I asked, mainly to myself.

"I can't believe it; you were jealous." Axel crossed his arms with a cocky smile and I put on an angry face.

"Was not!"

"Oh yes you were. You couldn't stand to see me with someone else, even though you won't let me be with you." Axel uncrossed his arms and leaned in close to my face. "But it's ok Roxy, I'm not giving up on you now that I know that you want me too. I can't be mad at you anymore, now that I know how conflicted you must feel since you want me so damn badly." Then, out of nowhere, I felt his tongue trace up my ear and I shivered as I closed my eyes. My mouth opened as he pushed his tongue further into my ear as a moan got stuck in my throat. This wasn't good. At that rate, I'd be hard and desperate and horny, which would mean giving into his dominate and sexy nature. No, I couldn't do that. Not after how hard I had worked to try to erase him from my heart.

But it felt good, it felt oh so good the way his strong wet muscle navigated its way up and down my lobe, occasionally sucking. As a small moan escaped my mouth, he pressed the firm pink into my ear, as if he were trying to get into my head, causing me to grab his biceps in desperation, needing to stabilize my stance before my racing heart made my legs go numb. I gulped, ready to be taken captive as he began lapping his tongue up and down my ear, trying to taste every possibly patch of skin as I stood there shuddering.

The second I felt his hands on my hips, my mind returned to me and I pushed him away.

"I'm not jealous and I don't want you!" I yelled as I went into my stall, but I could still hear him laughing even as I started the water. It was obvious that I didn't fool him. Hell, I didn't even fool myself. And the sad part is, I'm glad that he saw through me. I was glad that he knew me well enough to know I was lying, but that didn't change my goal of looking stubborn and uninterested.

"Roxy loves me, and he's lonely, but he still misses me!" Axel started singing in his shower and I turned so bright a red in the privacy of my own stall.

"Idiot! Shut up!" I put my hand to my soaking ear, trembling at just the memory of how good it felt to have attention there.

"He's pretending to be angry, but he loves me, and he's lonely, but he still misses me!" Axel sang louder as I growled. For a while, I hurried, trying to race to clean myself so I could leave, but when he started singing new words, I stopped, clueless.

"Roxy may be pretending to be angry, but he loves me, and yeah he's lonely, but he still misses me, but I love him too, cause he's my baby. Roxy don't be angry, just be my baby." He sang in a different tune and I blushed and to my dismay, I smiled. Dammit, I was falling for him. He, he called me his baby. He wanted me to be his baby. He loves me. Why couldn't I love him back? Or do I love him back? If so, why can't I just say it?

"Roxy can you hear me? Roxy don't you love me? Roxy don't be angry, with me you won't be lonely; Roxy just be my baby." He continued to sing as if we were the only two people who lived on that floor. And as I rinsed out the shampoo in my hair, I smiled wider. I turned up the water and let the heat drown me in his voice as I held myself, just wishing it were his arms instead. I was falling for him. Hard. Without any safety net or any care in this goddamn world.

"If anyone's out there, I want you to know, that I, Axel Lea, love Roxas!" Axel shouted as if we were the only two people in the building.

"Shut up!" Even as I yelled, I was smiling.

"Oh, you're still here?" Axel asked in a loud voice to be sure I heard over the sound of our showers. I waited a little while before I answered.

"Yeah, I'm here." I said shyly.

"Are you lonely?" He asked, normally.

"Shut it." I said, gritting my teeth, trying to hide my smile in my fake angry voice.

"Do you miss me?" He asked in a tone that sounded serious, but was covered in his teasing personality.

"Be quiet."

"Hey Roxy?" He asked in a new tone, like he was changing the subject.

"Yeah?" I asked back, assuming it was safe to do so.

"I love you." He said, simply and yet, sincerely.

I blushed again, just then realizing that I had been standing in the shower for five minutes after I had finished cleaning myself. Why? Why was I still there?

"Kay." I said, just to say something.

"You know, it's kind of implied that when you love the person back, you say it back." Somehow, I felt like he was seeing right through me and into my stall and into my smile and excited eyes and pounding heart.

I didn't respond. I turned off my water and realized that his was off too. I opened the first curtain, of the two that adorn each stall, to grab my towel and clothes, but when I did, I saw him.

"Eyah!" I screamed, covering myself with my hands.

"I didn't hear you say that you loved me back, so I wanted to make sure that you were ok and like, didn't die or something." Axel shrugged with his towel hanging low on his hips.

"Are you serious?" I asked with my hands still over my private parts.

"I don't know why you bother, it's nothing I haven't seen before." Axel winked at my hands and I quickly moved them to grab my towel.

"Well I'm alive, so is there anything else you need?" I asked, fastening my towel around me.

"Yes, there is one more thing." Axel held out a finger.

"What?" I asked, not sure what he could possibly need at a time like that.

"A kiss." Axel leaned in and stole my lips and words and heartbeat. "You see," He pulled back ever so slightly, just enough so that he could talk, but still close enough that I could feel his lips move as he did so. "You shouldn't have let me know that you were jealous if you didn't want this. Now that I know how you really truly feel, I'm not going to let you get away. I'll save you Roxas."

"Save me?" I whispered, my lips moving up and down against his.

"From yourself. You're the only one stopping you from being with me." Axel kissed me again and I stood there frozen. "Night baby." Axel winked and left, leaving me there for two minutes to think about what had just happened.

Fuck. I had fallen for him harder than I thought, without a safety net, into his love, into his heart.

* * *

**Author's Note:** There is still **one more chapter left!** Sorry it took me so long to post. Originally this had a super sad ending (a chapter I haven't posted yet and probably wont) so I decided last minute to change it lol. Anyway, I hope you like it and continue to follow!

To Twili Princess Hyrule Queen: Yes, I actually haven't had a Demyx moment since I wrote about that chapter, but I'm going out tonight and will probably have a similar experience lol. Thank you for commenting and for expressing your desire to read more! I hope this chapter helps hehe.

To VeniVediVici: Haha, hope this chapter sets it all on the right path for a happy ending!

To twilighttimefan: Yes! Isn't it? Oh well, it looks like Axel is solving the puzzle lol.

To ReliveTheGreat: Haha, yes, I'm sure Axel was thinking the same of Roxas lol. But it looks like things are getting better, yay Akuroku!

To Jessie: hehe, thank you for the glomp, I shall continue it! Lol. Thanks for reviewing.

To xion113: Awww, I'm so flattered by your last review! Thank you, I shall continue this with just one more chapter after this and it will explain more. Thanks for sticking with me and reading my stories!

To EternalJoker: Hahaha yes I have been told I'm a tease before, and I apologize for the wait lol. Hopefully it was worth it for a happy chapter, and know that things will be revealed in the next!

To Crazy-in-the-mind: Aww, thank you! Thanks for following!

To AliceofHoenn: It isn't over, not yet, almost lol. Thank you for the review and for following! It means a lot.

To Keyblade Master13: Haha, it's ok, even I hate yuri so writing it was such a pain. Haha, yay I love that new title, Master of Cliffy's. yes, all will be explained in the next chapter!

To Purple Rin Ninja: College is a pain, way more work than high school. Lol, yes, Axel will have to spill sooner or later. Awwww, that comment really made my day. A lot of the times I feel guilty if I don't update often but with my schedule eating and sleeping are also sacrificed. But that totally made me smile so thank you so much! Your comments and support mean the world to me! Arigatou!

To Cirxe145: Its ok, you know how much I hate sand endings too haha. No need to worry =)

To genesisluv98: Lol, sorry for the wait, Thanks, and yes, cliff hangers are just my thing I guess. Aww, thank you for the compliment, you are too kind ^^

To AnimeKittyCat12: Thanks, I really enjoyed the childhood past scenes the most, And all will be revealed in the next chapter, so thank you for your patience!

Thank you everyone for following and being patient with me. The support means a lot.

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	10. We Made It Work

After the night that Axel had sung to me in the shower, I was even more confused about what to do. He did see right through me, not like I am that complicated a person to do so anyway, but still. He knows how I feel, so why am I still trying to lie to myself?

I know why.

It's easier that way.

When my parents started showing signs of loving Sora more, I got so sad, I would cry as…as Axel held me. No matter how much I whined or complained, he was always one there to tell me that I was just as important and wanted. But the more I let my parents favoritism bother me, the more it hurt. Then I realized that if I acted like I didn't care, then soon enough I'd feel that way too. I guess, I'm lying to myself, to protect myself. The only question left is, how badly am I hurting Axel by doing so?

I was walking down the hall when I saw my favorite redhead.

"Hey," I said nervously. After our last run-in, I wasn't sure what to expect from him.

"Hey Blondie." Axel smiled.

"So, how, how uh, how are you doing?" I stammered.

"You're so cute, acting all shy and sounding so formal cause you know you love me." Axel ignored my question.

"Are you going to answer or not?" I pretended to be angry to avoid attention to the truth behind his statement.

"I'm doing wonderful, now that I am talking with you." Axel and I stopped down at the corner of the hall where our doors met.

"Oh," I rubbed my arm timidly.

"Look at how adorable you are," Axel took a step closer to me, forcing me into the corner as I backed up against the wall. I gulped, wishing I had somewhere to run and hide, and yet, thankful that I was trapped before him.

"I," I didn't know what I was going to say, or if I was going to say anything at all, but instead I only trembled.

"Are you cold baby?" Axel put his arms around me, and like a victim to the gravitational pull between us, I fell into his hold.

"Mhm," I whispered a murmur.

"I'll keep you warm," He said huskily into my ear as my lips parted in a hopeful anticipation .

"Axel," I moaned weakly as I felt his knee creep between my legs. Without my brain working, my hips rocked towards him, causing his pelvis to lean forward against mine. I felt our bodies meshing as my eyes closed, ashamed of how easily I had succumbed to his desire. I let out a shuddered breath as his lips exhaled over my ear. When his warm air suffocated my ear, I grabbed his biceps, too weak to think about anything other than staying on my feet. Then of course, his tongue slithered up my lobe, causing me to tremble in his grasp. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, he licked my inner ear, releasing a whimper from my hungry lips as I tilted my head to help him reach. Axel held my sides before he kissed his way down my ear, past my jawbone, and onto my neck. It tickled as I squirmed, but that only made me push my groin harder against his. Axel let out a pleasurful gasp as I forced my crotch against his, wanting to feel the pressure of his hips pushing mine back into the wall, which he did as if he had read my mind.

"Oh god," I barely uttered before he stared me in the eye. I felt so weak, so vulnerable as I tried to look elsewhere, but he wouldn't let me.

"Hey," he said firmly yet quietly. After he got my attention, I gazed back into his beautiful jade eyes. "I love you." He said, not giving me time to think before he kissed my lips. We made out and I didn't even bother trying to resist. After a few minutes, we pulled back and I stood there panting. "That wasn't so hard." Axel smirked as I gulped down as many nerves as I could. "Or maybe it is." Axel raised his eyebrows before I realized that he was staring at my erection. I gasped as I covered it with my hands.

"I need to go," I tried to wriggle my way free, but Axel stopped me.

"Shh, I can take care of that for you." Axel nipped at my ear as I rushed my hands to my mouth to cover the groan that wanted to break free. "Let me hear," Axel lowered my hands. "I want to hear all the sounds you make," Axel said so soothingly that I felt my body weakening once more. I wanted to melt as my eyes closed for a brief moment.

"I, I need to go," I reached for my doorknob but Axel pulled me into a hug.

"Do you really want to go and leave this nice warm hug?" Axel smiled at me. I bit my lip, hating him for how brilliant he was before I responded.

"I don't want to let go."

"Then don't. You're more than welcomed to join me in my shower." Axel lifted up my chin and kissed my lips softly. To my own surprise, I kissed him back. I was desperate as I went on my toes and forcefully pressed my lips against his. Axel grinned as I took the lead by kissing him multiple times, and when I finally went back down on my feet, he let out a deep breath. "I love you Roxas. Now let's go shower." Axel kissed my cheek.

"Ok." I gulped nervously as Axel winked at me.

"Here, we can share my towel." Axel took my hand and led me to the bathroom.

"Are, are you sure we should, you know, share a shower?" I asked, a bit uncomfortable of the idea of showering together in college dorm showers.

"Sure, Demyx and Zexion do it all the time." Axel shrugged. He looked over at the shower stalls and let out a laugh. "Don't you guys?!" he shouted.

"Hi Axel!" Demyx yelled back over the sound of running water as I gulped.

"Having fun Zexion?" Axel asked as I went red, thankful that they couldn't see us.

"Give it a rest!" Zexion yelled back before Axel snickered.

"Aww, come on baby, don't be rude." Demyx giggled. I sighed, grateful that they didn't know that I planned on showering with Axel.

"It's ok, Roxas and I are going to shower together too!" Axel said, ruining the last bit of privacy I had.

"Oh awesome!" Demyx cheered back.

"Roxas, if you can get your boyfriend to shut up, I'll get mine to shut up too!" Zexion said grumpily, actually causing me to smile.

"Now that's just rude! I just might have to spank you as punishment." Demyx said from within his shower stall.

"Alright, we'll let you two have some fun. Later!" Axel said before we went into our own stall and turned on the water.

"You're so weird." I whispered quietly to compensate for the last conversation we just had.

"You know you love me." Axel winked.

"Axe?" I had a question on my mind, especially after what Zexion said.

"Hm?" Axel asked as he started stripping.

"Are, are we dating?" I had to know as I took off my shirt.

"Do you want to?" He asked and I nodded. "Then we're dating." He smiled.

"Can, can you ask me, formally?" I blushed, feeling cheesy, but I just wanted to feel like it was real.

Axel smiled at me before he took my hands. "Roxas, be my boyfriend?"

"Only if you'll be mine." I got so nervous, I didn't know what else to say. The idea of him asking me a question I had already answered was surprisingly more difficult than I expected.

"Of course. I love you." Axel held me, our bare chest's pressed together as I inhaled into his embrace. "Come on." Axel and I finished stripping before we entered the shower together.

"You still want me to fix that?" Axel asked as he pointed to my erection. I didn't want to nod but I didn't want to lie either, so I just looked at him until he chuckled. "Here," Axel turned me to face the wall as he stood right behind me. "Just like that," He whispered into my ear as the sound of the water drowned me into his touch. I could feel his body against my ass and my back and when his hand wrapped around my dick, I shook.

"Ah!" I gasped, a hand to my mouth to try to quiet myself.

"It's ok," Axel gently took my hand off of my mouth and held it tightly. "I want to hear you." Axel kept his head by mine as he started pumping me slowly. It felt so good but I was so nervous, I could feel my eyes watering.

"Does it feel good?" Axel asked and I nodded honestly. It felt amazing, his warm hand and the hot water all mixed into the perfect combination of pleasure.

He sped up as I rested my head back against his chest, my thighs quaking as I began to go numb.

"Mmm, yeah, my Roxy," Axel whispered as I bucked my hips forward into his hand. "Go on, keep thrusting, just like that," Axel coached as my hips moved on their own. My head was calling me a whore but for my own life, I couldn't stop what my body was so deliciously enjoying. I thrusted repeatedly into his hand, squeezing his other as I started to moan without control. I could tell that I was getting a bit too loud when even Axel seemed nervous about the sounds I was making, but I couldn't help it! It was his damned fault. To help with my sound control, Axel kissed me from behind, and within seconds, I spurted into his hand. I swallowed thick before I turned to face him, watching him smile sweetly as he rinsed his hand under the streaming water.

"Good job baby." He kissed my cheek as I stood there, face no doubt flushed. I was so embarrassed, I forced him to hug me. He chuckled as he rubbed my back. "Such a good job." I didn't know what to say so I remained silent. Instead, I took his bar of soap and ran it across his chest, messaging it in with my hands.

"Mmm, that feels really good." Axel smiled at me as I soaped his torso.

Axel smiled as he washed my hair for me, and I stood there happy to just be by his side. The water was warm as I watched it fell down his pale skin, and I did my best not to gawk at him. It was hard not to stare as the water so fluidly soaked his hair, teasing me as it tickled past his nipples and over his belly button and even further south. Axel caught me watching, so he smiled before he pulled me into a hug. The feeling of his wet skin against mine was so relaxing as I felt his hands massage my back. I exhaled onto his chest, shivering not from cold but from the nerves mixed with the excitement of something so enticing to my body.

After we both finished our silent shower, Axel dried me off before drying himself off. He had brought a spare pair of his clothes for me to change into, so I was nice and cozy in his T-shirt and basketball shorts, hoping that this would be how the rest of our lives would continue; just us, no drama, just love. We returned to his room and just as he was putting his towel up to dry, I decided to risk it all, just one more time.

"Axe, please?" I asked shaking slightly.

"What is it Roxas?"

"Don't get mad at me for asking."

"Asking what?" I could tell that even though he asked, he knew.

"Why did you leave me?" I gripped his shirt in my fists and I gasped when he swooped me arm in his arms like a baby.

"I had to move." Axel said as he sat us on his bed, with me still in his lap.

"Why?" I asked, loosening my grip as I moved my hands around his neck.

"My parents. They, they weren't treating me right, so I had to move with my uncle."

I took a minute to think back to when we were kids. Most of the time Axel came over to my house; in fact I don't even remember going over to his. In the beginning I told myself that we went to each other's houses equally, but it wasn't until the dream like flashbacks when I realized that I had never even seen the inside of Axel's house. My parents never cared if I had Axel over cause they were far too busy with work and making sure that Sora had it easy.

"They didn't treat you right?" I asked and Axel shrugged.

"Why do you think I was always complaining about tripping down a flight of stairs, or falling off my bed at night and bruising myself?" I stared at his eyes as I gave it some thought.

"I, I don't know." I felt so conflicted; here I was, finally learning the truth I needed to hear, but I couldn't register it into my head.

"I never fell. It was them." Axel whispered.

"Them?" I didn't like the sound of it.

"My parents. They didn't really take care of me or feed me. So the foster home had to take me, where my uncle later got me. Kairi, she's really my cousin, but she's more like my sister, since we spent a lot of time acting like siblings." Axel explained and I sat up in his lap.

"It all makes sense. Why you were so tired, and why you had to leave in the morning and why you were always worrying about being back in time." I looked at him as he frowned.

"I hated getting punished, but it was worth lying to you that I had time." Axel said, ending his sentence with a tame smile.

"Axe I'm so sorry I got you in trouble!" I felt so guilty.

"Shh, it's ok. They would have hit me over nothing if they wanted to. At least that way, I got to spend more time with the boy I loved so much." Axel smiled at me as I sniffled.

"So, you never left me; you were taken away?" I asked, trying to make sense of it all.

"Yeah, I guess that's the best way to put it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just, I didn't want to have to explain it all. It's not a fond memory." Axel looked away.

"I'm sorry I made you remember that." I scooted off of him and sat by his side.

"It's fine. It doesn't really bother me." Axel shrugged, nearly contradicting his previous statement.

That's when it hit me. "I know why."

"Why what?" Axel asked, probably confused by my random outburst.

"The real reason you never told me why you left me, or that your parents abused you!" I felt stupid for not having figured it out sooner, like when we were kids.

"Roxas?" Axel looked at me as if I were speaking another language.

"All along, I was the one crying about how my parents loved Sora more than me. And all along I've been the one bitching and complaining about being all alone cause my parents favored my twin over me. But compared to you, I've had it so easy." I realized that Axel's act of secrecy was only to save me from embarrassment.

Axel looked away from my eyes, a confession that I was right. "You always used to tell me that I was your only friend, and when I would sneak into your house at night and hold you, you would constantly tell me how I was the only one who cared about you. You made me feel so special and made me feel like I had a purpose. I was afraid that if I told you what was going on in my life, then I'd lose that value. Then I'd be the weak one who couldn't comfort anybody."

I only shook my head. "Axe, you were hurting, and needed just as much comfort as you gave me. I would have understood."

"I just wanted to be that person you could depend on. I always have." Axel smiled weakly as I saw his eyes water.

"You are that person. You always were." I put my hand over his and he turned to face me.

"You deserve the best." He smiled so sweetly, that it made me feel rotten with guilt.

"No, I don't. Ever since I realized that you are my Aki, I've been lying to myself and to you, messing with your heart, taking advantage of your emotions. And the sad truth is, even though I recognize that and admit it, I know that if I saw anyone else doing that to you, I'd hate them for hurting you. I, I hate myself." I slammed my fists into my thighs and Axel quickly put his arms over mine.

"Don't talk that way." Axel hushed me and calmed me down by rubbing my arms with his warm hands.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore." I cried and he buried my head in his chest as he rested his chin on my head.

"I know baby."

"Cause it took me till now to realize it." I sat up and stared into his sorrowful eyes.

"Realize what?"

"The reason why I've been hurting so badly." I clawed at my shirt, right over my heart. "It's because I've been hurting you." I blinked a tear out and he nodded, staying silent. "I can't bear to watch you hurt, cause it hurts me. But, I'm scared." I hid my face in my hands.

"Of what?" Axel tilted his head slightly to the side.

"To tell you that I love you." I whispered as I put my head back on his chest.

I could feel Axel's chest expand as he sighed, not angrily, but more in exhaustion. It had been a long day, and all these emotions made me want to sleep.

"Well whenever you feel ready to say it, I'm right here, ok?" He kissed my forehead the way he used to when we were kids. Funny how when I was little, that would zap away anything that made me sad. All it took was his kiss on my temple or his voice and arms, and I was the happiest child alive. And now, even after all these months of being his neighbor, it was finally coming back.

"I'm ready." I whispered, acting as if I were taking a test of some kind. He chuckled at my silly action and as I sat up to face him, he smiled so innocently.

"I love you Roxas." Axel started for me, which I was thankful for and I'm sure he could tell that I needed him to.

"I love you too Aki." I went right back to his chest and starting sniffling as he held me.

"Shh, it's ok Roxy. I got you. Aki's got you." Axel rubbed my back as I put my head on his shoulder and let my breath tickle his neck. He sighed again, more in understanding and trying to clear the atmosphere. Unable to fight these strong desires, I kissed his neck repeatedly, loving how often he swallowed, as if he were trying to hold back. "My Roxy." Axel whispered in my ear before lying me down with himself on top of me.

"My Aki." I put my hands in his hair and he smiled.

He reached down into his pocket and pulled out his necklace. We both smiled as he put it on me and once it was secure around my neck, I let my fingers graze over it.

"Thank you." I said, kissing his nose.

"I'm thinking sleepy time, then, when we wake up, I'm taking what's mine." Axel said, kissing my lips as I encouraged him to.

"What's that?" I asked, a bit nervous but even more so excited.

"This." Axel said as he slid his hand past my stomach and over my dick. I gulped as I felt him squeeze over my cotton pajama pants.

"Mmfph." I moaned through closed lips as I bucked my hips up into his hand. He smiled, kissed me again, and rolled to my side, holding me from behind.

"Tomorrow baby. Goodnight." He held my body tighter than ever before and as I inhaled the embrace, I rolled over, hugging him back.

I was about to fall asleep when I thought back to our childhood and remembered one more piece to the puzzle that was still missing.

"Wait Aki!" I sat up with a sudden burst of energy.

"What is it?" Axel sat up too, assuming it was something really important since I made it seem like a big deal.

"Back when I was six, you said that you would give me my birthday present that you forgot at your house."

"Yeah, I remember." Axel nodded.

"Well, I, I've been wondering all these years….what was it?" I gulped, anxious to hear.

"You want me to tell you, or give you your present?" Axel asked as I smiled wide.

"You have it?"

"Yeah I kept everything in hopes that I'd find you again." Axel got out of bed as I bounced on it repeatedly.

"Oh, I can't wait!" I squealed with excitement as Axel dug into his messy closet. I sat impatiently for a few minutes before Axel let out a deep breath.

"Alright, close your eyes, hold out your hand, and no peeking!" Axel ticked with a finger as I nodded obediently. I could feel the anticipation getting to me before I felt the light weight of something plastic or possibly even metal in my hand. "Almost," Axel said as I squished my eyes closed even tighter. I felt something go on my head before Axel gave me the ok. I opened my eyes to see a firetruck plastic car in my palm, and when I looked up, I was wearing Axel's yellow fireman hat from when we were children. It didn't fit, but just the memory of it all made me want to tear up.

"I uh, I have this too." Axel rubbed the back of his neck shyly. "I'm kind of embarrassed to give it to you now, though." Axel coughed as he showed me what looked to be a hand made card. It was really just a piece of construction paper that had been wrinkled over time, but I couldn't explain my joy as I took it gently and opened it. There was a picture that he drew way back then, as was obvious by the style of stick figures, of the two of us together. His stick figure had red hair, mine had yellow, and we were smiling with our hands holding. Underneath, it said "Happy 6th Birthday to the most specialist boy ever. You are my best friend Roxy. I love you." As I read it, my eyes watered, and I had to sniffle to keep myself from falling apart.

"Axe," I chocked. "These were your favorite toys." I know it sounded stupid, being that we are now in college, but still!

"Yeah, and you're my favorite person, so it fits." Axel smiled at me as I gripped the firetruck tightly.

"Thank you! I love them!" I hugged him, holding onto the plastic yellow hat so it wouldn't fall off.

"I love you Roxy." Axel said calmly as he rubbed my back.

"I love you too Aki." I let go of the hat to hold him properly. As it fell, I picked it up and put it on his head. "There, you're my hero." I smiled proudly.

Axel gave a silent grin as he kissed my cheek. "You really are too cute baby. I love you so much. I'm so glad that I have my second chance with you." Axel inhaled deeply into the embrace.

"I love you so much more than you know Aki. Thank you, for not giving up on me." I smiled into his eyes as trembled in nostalgia.

"Thank you for being so irresistible. It made it easy not to give up." Axel winked.

"Hehe, mmmmm," I gave a low hum to the comfort of his arms. "I could stay here forever." The heat from his body, the safety of his company, and the joy of his presence all made me want to freeze time.

"Then let's start forever." Axel laid back down with me still in his arms.

"Goodnight Roxy." Axel kissed the top of my head before I snuggled up to his chest, warm, content, and with the plastic truck tucked safely in one hand.

"Goodnight Aki." I whispered before I fell asleep, dreaming of how happy I was that we made it work.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Awwwww, the end! SO sad its over. Considering I didn't spend much time on this story, I'm surprised to say that I'm actually quite sad its over. Alas, nothing can last forever (except for Akuroku itself hahaha).

I just want to say that the** original ending chapter was super sad**, like really sad, but I decided not to post it and let the ten pages go to waste, and instead, I wrote this….so I hope you liked it so that my decision to write this version last minute wasn't in vain lol.

Anyway, thank you SO much for reading, following, and favoriting! With another story over, **more new ones are about to be posted, so please stay tuned** for **more Akuroku, Soriku, and even some Akudem!**

**ANNOUNCEMENT**: I got a message from my cosplaying/artist/best friend who is going to **draw my works and then sell them**! They **wont be available until April**, but I am currently **working on some new stuff** for that. I say this because:

To warn you that this will delay the progress of my current stuff (because it has a deadline it takes priority)

And in case any of you are interested, PLEASE let me know ^_^ I don't have a price on them just yet, but I'll be sure to update you all when I get more information. Thanks!

To Keyblade master13: Exams sucked, but I passed them all, even got 2 A's (out of 3 classes) so not too bad haha. Thanks for asking lol. How have you been? What's new? I'll try to read it! If it's KH I'm sure I'll love it lol. Love ya too!

To Parson-ash: Hahaha, I agree! He needs to get that stick out of his butt to make way for Axel's stick ;) hehehe

To Cirxe145: I didn't write a lemon, but I hope you liked the cute shower scene, and the hint of the fact that he'll be getting laid when he wakes up haha. It was hard to delete like ten pages that I already wrote and start all over, but oh well, I figured it would pay off, hope you agree!

To SoRikuROx: Aww, I'm so happy to hear that you like this story! No, I shant ever give up on work that I've started posting. I'm trying to update as often as I can, although I have been quite busy, but I promise I will never let a story go unfinished! It's a huge pet peeve of mine too when author's do that, so I feel your pain haha. Awww, THANK YOU again! It means a lot! Please check out my new stuff, it'll be out as soon as I can hehe!

To twilighttimefan: Haha, Roxas is a cute jealous boy, so transparent, while Axel is so smart and smooth. Such a great combination, no? haha.

To AliceofHoenn: Yes, I gave the false illusion of it being over….i do that a lot….i'm kind of mean like that, sorry haha.

To Purple Rin Ninja: Nope, you had it right, Axel's parents were not nice, but at least he moved out of there. Awww, I'm glad that you liked this story, full of feels haha. I wrote the sad ending, but then deleted it and wrote this instead. It wasn't easy but I hope it worked lol. Aww, thank you! Please stay tuned for more KH yaoi I have coming out soon! (and I agree, Akuroku is almost TOO wonderful lol).

To Luckycat222: YAY, I'm glad that you liked the last chapter, it was my personal fav to write for this story! Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to get such feedback. Thank you thank you thank you!

To tinychibikitty: Oh wow, well I'm so happy to hear that you felt such emotions while reading this fic! Yes, I wish this story could continue, but I think it reached the point where there wouldn't be anything to write about that had plot. But I have some other stories that I'm super excited to post, so please stay tuned for that! I also have 40 stories currently posted so there is plenty to read while you wait. Thanks for the review!

Thank you everyone for all of your support during this story. I'm off to write more KH Yaoi! Until the next story,

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


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